Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Equal Rights for ALL PEOPLE - the Marriage Debate

It's an important and highly polarizing day in our country's rich and demented history.  A day where arguments are being heard in the Supreme Court on the "Equal Rights in Marriage" legal battles.  This brings one of my favorite men (in history), and his quotes to mind:

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

So my friends, IF you stand for equal rights (of all human beings) under the law, today, trumpet out that support for our friends who are being repressed, whether those who repress have the moral right, a religious stand, or legal oppression on their side.  Reading some of their arguments... 

"if we allow gays to marry, what's next?  We'll have to allow incest, polygamy and bestiality to become equal under the law."  This statement is so ignorant and so abominable that I found myself laughing in disbelief and disgust.

I have all the room in the world for you to have your perspective and opinion on this topic, and every other topic on religion, spirituality, politics and lifestyle.  UP TO AND UNTIL you try to impose that viewpoint, legally, on people you don't know, thereby stripping them of a basic human right.

TO THOSE I KNOW IN THIS CATEGORY: To me, you're no different than a bigot and racist in the south, treating a black American like they are second class.  You're a misogynist who thinks women don't deserve an equal voice or equal pay.  Please, find your way to make a graceful exit from my life because this HUMAN RIGHTS debate is one of the places I draw a hard line in the sand.

I love her (we're married). I love him, yet we CAN'T marry?
TO THOSE WHO ARE FIGHTING FOR THEIR RIGHT TO MARRY: I stand with you.  NOT behind you, but by your side. My wife, Kate, does too.  We aren't going to put down our bullhorns, and we're not ever going to back down from what amounts to a grown up version of "school yard bullies".  We believe that in time, the truth and love ALWAYS prevail...


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MY ORIGINAL PROP 8 BLOG FROM NOVEMBER 2008
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"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

MY INVITATION and REQUEST is that you SOUND OFF on this POST (if you stopped by to READ it)...

This is an old blog (from November of 2008). It was inspired by an old friend of mine, Laura, who was my date for the Junior Prom in high school. Laura and I seldom saw eye to eye on things, but we always seemed to have a great respect for the others (at times passionate) views. We both have lived (or at least tried to live) lives of love and tolerance. This NOTE is in response to a letter she wrote to everyone, but seemed to be directed at many in the Church of LDS. One piece of the note really struck a nerve with me...

She wrote how in pushing for PROP 8 (in California) to pass, how "the church is trying to help with the initiative".

This is the part I have the BIGGEST problem with. "Separation of CHURCH and STATE" is lost in this whole thing. If churches are going to get involved in politics, then the slippery slope we are on is having the government get involved in which religions are acceptable and which are not.

Those on the "moral right" both in the LDS and devout Christian churches have me incredibly introspective and sad on a day I should be praising God and celebrating Obama's victory. I praise God for this lesson, today. I send my love to those friends of mine who have done nothing wrong here other than BEING BORN GAY, and I know that a day soon will come when we will actually LIVE that "all people are created EQUAL in the eyes of God".

I have nothing that truly encompasses how I feel about this...

Unbelievable.

Those who have stood AGAINST another human's CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to marry, even when a California supreme court ruled in it's favor, are living their lives in a very vain righteousness. Ye may judge today, and BE the one judged tomorrow.

Some have said to me, "with Obama in office and a Democratic Senate and House" this will be short lived. That MAY be true. But maybe not! And I don't think it's acceptable that ANYONE live ONE YEAR even without Constitutional RIGHTS!

Take even ONE constitutional right away, JUST ONE, that you hold deeply dear, then tell yourself, "well, I only have to live this way for one year." It is unacceptable.

There will be an uprising against this. The saddest part is it will sour people towards MANY churches. When you consider that "churchgoing" individuals voted approximately 84% FOR Prop 8 and 16% AGAINST it, well, exactly what type of "love and tolerance" are these churches preaching?

I am a child of God. I have a strong relationship with my creator, our creator, and I am just shaking my head over this one.

THOSE who do NOT believe in "gay marriage" aren't truly affected by it. The website created for the prop... www.ProtectMarriage.com is SO offensive to me, it makes me want to stand in front of the churches who FUNDED this thing with a sign that says, "DISCRIMINATION is a SIN in the eyes of GOD!" Or, even better, another sign that says, "this church funds discrimination".

Gay people, time to take your seat where you belong, on the BACK of the BUS. It's a new "pre-1955" for homosexual individuals. How is THIS type of discrimination acceptable some 50+ years after Rosa Parks took her stand? Is it going to take another 50-100 years before we have a gay president? This can not be allowed to stand, in California, Arizona and Arkansas (where gay-couples can no longer adopt children, and many hetero Arkansas couples are setting the standard for parenting in our fine country).

I am still spinning over this one. Unreal.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Communication With Alien-Robots - Fuel for All Healthy Relationships (Humor & Frankness)


"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."
-Steve Jobs


Here's a little ditty I wrote up a while back about the importance of communication (including humor and frankness) in every relationship (not just romantic relationships, but your important  friendships, workout partners and professional relationships too).

For the many of you who have suggested to Kate & I that you personally believe we have "a perfect relationship" consider this your wake-up call. Kate & I (in our 11+ years together) have had fights about everything: from simple driving directions to who's doing the dishes and even occasionally a dozy over mayonnaise (well, Vegenaise actually... Valentine's Day 2002, seriously). What we always come back to is full communication and personal responsibility. While I won't be wowing any of you with some amazing demonstration of my own personal responsibility in this post (Kate is the one being incredibly generous in the interaction below, I'm just the @$$hole trying to be RIGHT), I thought you might get some joy, amusement & laughter out of our "dishes fight" from over 3-years ago, and how we had our moment of anger & frustration, but we brought back the authentic communication and playful levity to the situation. The net result is that I ended up doing the dishes as a performance art. Kate even videotaped me doing the dishes so she could watch it over and over again (and her "you NEVER do the dishes" argument is out the window).

As always, I have expressed, written consent from Kate that this email chain be published, so please forgive the colorful language and know we're BOTH behind you reading this. For our own amusement & sanity.

BEFORE you read this, understand that we had some other similar nothing fight a couple of weeks prior, and Kate wrote me the opening email apologizing for being mean and nasty. So the email chain starts there (with me being an a-hole trying to be righteous, yuck)...
Sometimes, the aftermath of a fight is downright delicious.

********BEGIN EMAIL CHAIN********
From: Kate
Sent: July 28
To: Jimmy
Subject: I'm a jerk

Jimmy,
By acting and thinking from fear, worry, blame, upset and focusing on what's missing/wrong. That is exactly what I create. I do this to put the responsibility on you, to sabotage our connection and to prove that I am 'alone'. It's hogwash. Bullshit. Lame.

Since last night when I treated you poorly, I could not sleep, I had bad dreams, I missed my run, my ear is worse, I had no time for coffee. Basically everything falls apart when I don't take care of you and our relationship.

You have my word that I will treat you with respect, love, care, nurture and come from a creative and inspiring space.

I'm sorry for being an ass.

I hope you have a great day, please know that I love you, I'm here for you.

K8

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From: Jimmy
Sent: August 13
To: Kate
Subject: FW: I'm a jerk

Kate,
Please read this. It's from July 28th. Psssst, that's two weeks ago.

Jimmy

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From: Kate
Sent: August 13
To: Jimmy

Seriously, what the hell is my fucking problem?

K8

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From: Jimmy
Sent: August 13
To: Kate

You aren't willing to sit in the impact (of your words and actions). You aren't willing to be uncomfortable and communicate everything and be truly vulnerable. You might actually get betrayed and hurt and abused and used that way! 

I'm a bad, mean, angry SCARY PERSON!!!! Maybe I'm the BOOGEY MAN!!!! BOOOOO!!!!

Jimmy

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From: Kate
Sent: August 13
To: Jimmy

I fucking love you.

K8

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From: Jimmy
Sent: August 13
To: Kate

"Seriously, what the hell is my fucking problem?"

I have another idea. Maybe your fucking problem is you are truly UNWILLING to be human? Maybe you really ARE an alien robot?

It's okay, Kate. You can BE HONEST. If you really ARE an alien robot, I'm willing to accept that now. I'll even go back with you to your planet for experimentation. I give up. I really DO love you no matter what. I'm hopeless.

Jimmy

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From: Kate
Sent: August 13
To: Jimmy

I kind of feel bad for you, loving a robot is tough. I guess that explains why you like to run ultras. You thrive on pain, endurance, torture and insanity.

I'll book the flights for us to Zyborg tomorrow. One way is okay right?

K8

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From: Jimmy
Sent: August 13
To: Kate

I surrender, Zyborgian robot alien. You are picking an odd specimen, but whatever, better me than someone else I guess... high pain tolerance.

One way is fine. But clearly your planet has a far more advanced internet. Can I still communicate with my family and maintain a BLOG from afar? Or do you replace me with a Jimmy-robot so people won't know I'm gone?

Did you see my post on my plans for this evening? And your plans for the moment you get home?

Jimmy

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From: Kate
Sent: August 13
To: Jimmy

You are the perfect specimen. You may maintain your blog and relationships, but there will be a Jimmybot put in place physically.

I did happen to just read your post.

I'm really sorry for losing my cool man. I look forward to seeing you tonight.

K8

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From: Jimmy
Sent: August 13
To: Kate

Can I post this ENTIRE email as a BLOG?

Jimmy

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From: Kate
Sent: August 13
To: Jimmy

Sure, why the hell not. We won't be on this planet for much longer anyway.

Speciman.

K8

********END OF EMAIL CHAIN********

The MORAL of the story: Even if you are an alien robot, or are about to be kidnapped by an alien robot, COMPLETE COMMUNICATION and willingness to make fun of ourselves is the key to a healthy relationship.

AND yes, I'll FINALLY admit it:

"I should have just done the damn dishes."*

*it would have taken a hell of a lot less energy and time than this email chain, blog post, and fighting against alien robots who will win in the end anyway.

I love my wife. Even if she is an alien robot...


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POST UPDATE (1-day later)
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Sexy albino me. You can't UN-SEE this.
For those of you who missed the punch-line on this 3-years ago, I ended up doing the dishes as "performance art". My friend Seth told me that there was some survey that reported 3-out-of-4 women were asked if they'd rather watch their man do dishes or dance naked, and 75% of them answered dishes. We have the birth of 'chore-play'.

I did the dishes while Kate watched me, and I only wore some 70's style NIKE dolphin shorts (see: photo to the right, and you're welcome). I also had to sing to her ("Bare Necessities" from the Jungle Book). She filmed part(s) of it. Then we made up, officially... but, alas, I now communicate with you from ZYBORG. I'm not sure if it's really nice here or if I'm in one of those virtual reality machine-thingies...


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POST UPDATE (3.5-years later)
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Zyborg is amazing.  I hope the Jimmybot they left behind is holding things together well.  I miss seeing ALL of you...
View from a mountain peak outside of Agnapot, on the planet Zyborg...
PS - a simple tip my amazing sister Sarah gave me for relationship harmony:
IF your partner makes a request and it takes less than 10-15 minutes to fulfill, you should always say yes. Just give up the thoughts you have about who did that chore last time, how tired you are, or how mad you might be over something else. This simple act of generosity will take far less time and energy than saying NO or resisting doing something that could alter the day/evening, where yes could make all the difference.


PPS - if YOU (reader) are a single dude and you made it ALL THE WAY through this long-winded post, check out a well written piece by David DeAngelo about the Top 10: Ways To Be The Man Women Want (seriously, it's a great piece) from AskMen.com