Mind the Gap - Big Dreams and the Terror In Launching After a Goal

"Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan."
-Tom Landry, Legendary NFL Head Coach

This post is about biting off more than you can chew.  Dealing with the realization that you don't plan on taking anything off your plate (or I guess figuratively outta your mouth) prior to the journey towards the achievement of life altering stuff.  Yep, yet another pursuing big goals and dreams blog.  Just don't choke (pun intended).

MIND THE GAP

Literal meaning - in mass transit (think subway trains), 'mind the gap' refers to making sure you don't underestimate the distance between the platform and train and step into the chasm (which could cause a serious injury)
As a metaphor - in my life, 'mind the gap' means making sure I don't hyper fixate on the distance between present day and my goal/dream and get stuck in that void (doing nothing to move from one side to the other)

There is a major pitfall I have often experienced in chasing after huge goals and dreams not long after setting them. In the few weeks after declaring something huge (as is often the case for many people between January 1st & January 22nd every year) is once I say, "I'm gonna do ______ this year!" my next step is to plan out how exactly I intend to accomplish that declaration.  Even if you are not an uber planner, it is pretty common to have that realization that where we stand right now and where we want to end up (in achieving that goal) is a massive distance apart.  I refer to that massive distance as "the gap".

My 2014 set of goals & dreams are all pretty simple, and totally straight forward.  One of them might even seem to be an over share (rare for me, I know):

1- publish my first book (Making Molehills Out of Mountains)
2- enter, start & finish all 6 hundred milers in the Last Great Race ultra challenge (aka the Original 6 hundreds in the US in the same year June-September)
3- quadruple my income as a keynote speaker & coach
4- make a baby, and help my wife bring a healthy child into existence (okay, so there's your TMI for this post)

LGR has been completed 36 times. Only ONCE in last 6 yrs (David Snipes)

I'll take a moment to examine my #2 for a minute (since many of you have declared some big athletic goals publicly for 2014).  I have been training to run 100 milers for more than 8 years now, and have only attempted to complete 3 in the same calendar year once (in 2010, I finished Rocky Raccoon in February, Badwater in July and then DNF'd Oil Creek in October at mile 76).  I have completed 2 hundred milers in the same year 4 times, and until 2013, those 2 were never closer than 2-3 months apart, minimum.  In 2013, I completed my now typical 2 hundred milers, but they were 13 days apart (Angeles Crest August 3-4, then Leadville August 17-18).  I was wrecked for the better part of 2 weeks afterward.  The idea of 6 hundreds over a 13 week period is daunting, especially when measured by my past experiences.  Doing a 100 mile trail race every 13-21 days over 13 weeks, completing 3 times as many hundreds in a year (let alone in LESS than 3 months, my normal period in between 2 hundos) is terrifying to me.

After my goal post on December 19th, and really, since knowing I was going to go after the Last Great Race (made up my mind November 1st), all I can see right now is how far I have to go.  I am present to the cold, hard facts: I lack consistency, I am not disciplined, I have sub-par fitness, average endurance and I am overwhelmed by how much there is to plan and organize between now and June 7th (when this whole thing kicks off in Virginia).  Totally normal to get stuck in the void, and sometimes, it causes a form of paralysis where you are so focused on the big picture that you stop doing the little day-by-day things you know you need to be doing because you have trouble seeing how such little things will make a difference in something so massive.

Most people talk themselves out of continuing in this period.  The moment things get tough, when momentum or forward progress is lost, people tell themselves "this just isn't meant to be" or "maybe I'm not being realistic about this goal right now" and let themselves off the hook.  They back burner the goal, shelve it to "someday, maybe, but not now" status.  Really, all we need to do is create new momentum.  One of my favorite coaches from back in the day used to say, "in life, most people wait for the inspiration to do the thing.  Do the thing, get the inspiration."

I try to simplify and break down something that takes 6+ months into day by day steps.  Try this with your most daunting of 2014 goals:

STEP 1 - write the goal down (if you haven't already) and declare it to a committed listener (a friend that will be inspired by your commitment and encourage you along the way).  NO, this does not need to be done via social media FB/TW/Blog/etc.
*Run 6 hundred mile trail races from June 7th-Sept 6th

STEP 2 - determine where you anticipate you'd need to be (hypothetically speaking) by the time you are halfway through the time period you've given yourself to achieve that goal
*if I'm to be fit to run 6 hundreds in 13 weeks starting June 7th, I have about 5 months to train, so in 2.5 months, I should be in base 100 mile shape and capable of running 100 mountain miles by mid-March).

STEP 3 - determine where you anticipate you'd like to be one month from now (or another interim period, say 1-3 months away IF that is sooner than the STEP 2 declaration)
*if I am to be 100 miler fit by mid-March, I better be fit to run 50 miles in the mountains by early February.  How convenient that I'm registered for the Sean O'Brien 50 Miler on February 1st!

STEP 4 - continue to break the time periods down until you arrive at the 2 weeks out, 1 week out, and day-by-day steps
*having 4 weeks to arrive in 50 mile mountain running shape, I should be capable of running 20 mile back-to-backs in the mountains 3 weekends from now, meaning I need to be capable of 15-16 mile doubles this weekend or next.  Assuming that is true, I'm at my day-by-day goal/breakdown.  I need to run 4-6 days every week, getting out the door for a minimum 5-8 miles each run.  On many of my run days and some rest/recovery days, I need to be doing things that help my overall strength, fitness, flexibility and muscle balance.  Essentially, I must do something EVERY DAY that forwards my body or mind, towards this goal.  5 miles + 15 min dedicated to stretching is less than 1 hour of a commitment, meaning I need to dedicate an hour a day, minimum, to this end.

Suddenly, when I think of ONE singular hour, today (and tomorrow), it seems a lot more manageable.  I can run for 45-75 minutes today (in fact, I ran 9 miles in the mountains this morning), and I can repeat that again tomorrow (I took yesterday off).  One day at a time, one hour at a time, one mile at a time, one step at a time.

I have done this with 3 of my 4 major 2014 goals.  I have overcome my inertia from the post goal setting paralysis.  And when I feel daunted again, I shall once again 'mind the gap'.  Don't worry, you will fall short of your day to day expectations/plans, but really, your success will come from how quickly you can overcome that inertia again and start the new streak, your new momentum.  At the end of the year, whether or not you achieve the goal isn't the point.  Who you become along that journey is what it's all about...

The final step of my 2013 athletic stretch goal was painfully bittersweet.

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one."
-Mark Twain

Kayaking the River of Life - Self Limiting Beliefs & Adaptive Thinking

It took me a couple decades to figure out how much of an impact how I think (and what I believe to be true) about an experience influenced how I perceived that event, and furthermore, how my actions moving forward (in relationship to that event) would be affected.  Flashback 25 years prior: I am in lock-down psychiatric care, yep, I am institutionalized. (read more on the depression story here if this is the first you're hearing this information)  I believed I didn't belong in an institution.  I was in shock, angry and upset.  Doctors & case workers would interview me in therapy sessions, and I acted like I was completely above it all.  In group therapy, my body language was a collective "go f**k yourself" and I absolutely refused to participate.  How the patients there were treated and managed seemed to me a little bit how I imagine prison might be, but instead of everyone being a danger to each other (i.e. fights between prisoners), most inmates were just on watch for being a danger to themselves.  A couple of days into that experience, I finally started asking questions of myself and the doctors.

"How long do you expect me to be here, doctor?"

"3 months or more, Jimmy."

It was June, and I was just graduating (if one can really call it that) from elementary school and preparing to enter middle school.  It was a huge transitional time for all kids, but I was put in a whole other category of transition.  It would be like most 16 year old kids are getting drivers licenses and I'm completing a program to pilot the next space shuttle mission.  Except I was 12 pushing 13.  Well, at least chronologically I was that age. This experience launched me into a whole other mode of consciousness about life, the fragility of freedom, the societal agreements about what sanity is, and really put me in a place where I felt desperately alone in the world (for a great many years).

"3 months is my whole summer!  I can't be here 3 months!!!"

"Then you'd better start cooperating with your caretakers and case workers, Jimmy, and pretty quick."

So I started to (figuratively) dance.  Like an organ grinder monkey, I learned some tricks.  It was at that moment I realized that there was no turning back.  The institution was my new reality at least for the time being, and I had to adapt or die.  If cooperation was what would get me out of there, i.e. not fighting against my circumstances, then I was going to be the poster child for institutionalized good behavior.  I was 3-4 years every other patients junior.  The older kids began to take me under their wing, make sure I was protected and cared for (by the other kids).  If you were against the grain with those kids, some horrible stuff happened that I won't dare describe to you, as it's simply a sad, tragic situation.  I was released within 2 weeks.  Making so much progress, the doctors said, that I could be moved into normal life with out patient psychiatric therapy sessions.  Life started to flow in the direction I desired again.

Imagine the energy and direction of your life like water flowing down a river.  There are times the water isn't moving very fast and you can pretty easily navigate your kayak back and forth to either side of the river, even turning your direction upriver if the water is calm enough.  Then there are times you hit Class IV rapids (or worse) and instead of navigating, you're just trying to pass that section of the river safely.  You aren't thinking about the banks or even where you want to go, you are mentally present and in the current moment, each paddle stroke is a critical one, getting through the tough part to where the water will settle down again.  Going backwards (at least while in the water) at that point is completely out of the question.

Life moves like the most powerful river you can imagine.  More often than not, it flows in one direction (we all are getting older each and every day, there is no getting younger chronologically).  We can fight that flow, but we'll be much more powerful and efficient learning to work with the flow, and the occasional ebbs, and then the flow again.

For parts of 2013, my life seemed calm.  I had time to really think things through.  Reflect on what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be moving forward.  I/we hit some Class IV 'life rapids' in November (my partner in crime Kate broke her leg and will require 9-12 months of rigorous healing, relearning how to walk, drive, and eventually, another surgery, then hopefully, someday soon, she'll run again) and I've been doing all I can to survive since then, and just now the waters are starting to calm down a bit.  This river is still moving swiftly, so I am mindful that I'm likely close to more rapids, but I'm calm and present to the work there is to be done.  I'm mostly at peace with my situation. Mostly.

This principle is applicable to life, athletics, career and even romantic relationships.  There's a time to think and plan, and there's a time to act with little to no time to think.  And the more willing you are to accept your present circumstances as they are, the higher efficiency you will have in your ability to navigate to calmer waters where you can think about where you want to be next.  Plan, act, plan, act.  But we don't get to choose where the rapids happen.  Yes, we can feel the water start to move more swiftly (in our lives, there are always signals and indicators if we are paying attention for them), and you can anticipate, but you rarely know whether something will be Class II, Class V, we really just need to work to be as ready as possible to adapt.  When an undesirable event happens, of course there is a normal progression of shock, awe, frustration, sadness, etc.  But if you spend a ton of time feeling sorry for yourself (and working to get others to feel sorry for you), it's precious time and energy wasted, energy that could have been spent getting you back to where you want to be.  We all freeze in moments of trauma.  It's the moment you realize you're frozen that you have a choice to start moving, or just complain about being frozen.

A smooth river never made a skilled kayaker.

I am not suggesting that you shouldn't ever be upset.  Just consider that there is a point where we personally prolong the upset by getting others around us riled up about our situation.  We want to hear "I'm so sorry that happened to you" over and over and over again, and there's no gold in that. It just cements the energy and emotions around those events in place, and makes us stagnant.  Think for a moment about that family member or friend who wears their trauma(s) like a badge, and dumps them on you when you ask "how are you doing?"  You sometimes start to avoid that person (oops, that call went to voice mail again).  Moving forward becomes increasingly difficult for you (or them).  Imagine when someone hears about your difficult situation and says, "I'm sorry" and you can turn it around (adapt to the moment) and say, "don't be sorry for me, this event gave me new perspective and I'm now more clear about which direction I am headed. Maybe you could help me move in that direction?" Suddenly, you are one step closer to creating the new environment and life that you seek.  Instead of in the same place you were, hating your situation for much longer than necessary.

I acknowledge that this rule is much easier stated than followed.  My last 6 weeks has been the one of the toughest month and a half periods of my life.  But as is often the case with something difficult, it has been rewarding, it has been profoundly moving, and it has given me clarity of purpose.

Take a look at situations you might be presently struggling with.  If you are an athlete, look at how being upset and wishing a moment (in a race, or in training) be different than it actually is stops you from your forward progress.  I have been known to throw a few tantrums at aid stations in 100 mile mountain races, shhhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone.  This can literally apply to any unexpected circumstance.  Moving forward, you have a choice to create a new pattern of thought and behavior that empowers you, and maybe you'll start looking at the rapids in life as something far more interesting to navigate, possibly even exciting and exhilarating...

One more thing. Class U / Class VI rapids will get you killed quick, so don't go chasin' waterfalls...

What You Do Isn't Enough, Challenge What You Think & Say - the Word Creates World Paradigm

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right."
-Henry Ford

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... I just did.

I'm here to take a look at the relationship between what we think, what actually comes out of our mouth, and what we follow through and do.  I'm going to start with an assertion: if you are reading this blog (and I assure you at this point, YOU ARE reading this blog), then you are a dreamer, and I further assert a dream-seeker.  Otherwise my incessant "live your dreams" bantering would be annoying.

This blog entry in particular, is intended to have you put your thoughts and words under a microscope for a moment, to devote thoughtful consideration to that what you think (even those thoughts you keep to yourself) and consider how deep that influence is on the world you manifest and create.

A brilliant 'Thought Diagram' borrowed from www.CartoonChurch.com

You either speak (and think, and act) from a space of LOVE or from a space of FEAR and your word creates your world.  Especially your thoughts (your words to yourself).  I haven't read the book "The Secret" but from what I understand from the people who've demanded I read it to embrace more magic in my life, this isn't anything in the realm of the law of attraction, nor manifesting things.  This is common sense stuff, in terms of how we perceive the world around us.

I have a rule for myself, and this is where it begins:

THE RULE OF ASSUMPTION
95% of the time in life, I am not going to know the answer, the truth, nor the reality of something.  As a human being my mind absolutely must fill in the blank with the answer my mind deems most likely to be correct.  If I'm going to make something up, it might as well be something that empowers me and propels me forward.  I'm just as likely to make up something positive OR negative that will be incorrect, but until I know the truth of the matter, I shall consciously and intentionally make up something empowering.


I'll give you a real world scenario to illustrate this long winded rule.  One of your friends, maybe a coworker, suddenly stops talking to you.  They no longer respond to texts, when you see them are suddenly quiet and reserved.  Why is it in these situations we commonly assume the worst?  That inner gremlin (my inner voice, I call it a gremlin because it rarely has really positive insight) says something to me like, "they're MAD at you about something" and I start to wrack my brain for what I could have possibly done or said that has offended them.  Now, I can be a particularly offensive person from time to time, I'm brash, over-the-top, I talk too much and listen too little, and I can be quite crass.  I'm never surprised when someone is upset or offended.  My stomach still bottoms out when someone is upset with me, especially a close friend or family member, but that bottoming out hasn't really changed my patterns of speech and behavior.  For better or worse, I'm ME in just about every situation.  I would have made a great court jester, until of course I offended the queen and was beheaded (I didn't research this piece, so not sure if that's even historically accurate).  When I IMAGINE that someone is upset with me, I naturally start to interact with them less.  Not seeing them, I start to miss my friend so I finally reach out (via email, of course) with a "hey, is everything okay? I noticed you're not yourself and I assumed I did something wrong and wanted to check in" type message.  A very high percentage of the time, I get a message back explaining some family trauma, somebody is sick, a relationship just ended, and it had nothing to do with me.  Suddenly, I realize that the few days I avoided this friend, I was being a horrible friend as they could have used some love and support.

Baseline message, fear sourced those thoughts and actions.  It influenced my perception, then my behavior.  Imagine the same scenario where you brought love to the assumptions and how it might influence those actions.  Can you see you'd think, speak, and act differently?  I know I have (when implementing my rule about assumptions).

Gratuitous Chan Chan pic of Sim and Cameron for no reason

Cliche as it may be, if your self talk (thoughts) indulges fear, fear grows and takes over.  If you seek to love and respect yourself, if you practice consciously creating things out of love, which starts with loving yourself (your strengths, your weaknesses, your perfect imperfections) this will translate into a foundation for loving others around you, consistently.

Next time someone is downright nasty to you (stranger or friend) for no good reason, before you knee jerk into their black hole of negative energy, ask yourself what they might be saying to themselves that is causing their sour behavior and perspective.  Sometimes the best way to help someone out of that space is to not join them in it.  Yes, that's much easier said than practiced.  But it is indeed possible.


"In order to carry a positive action we must develop [first] a positive vision."
-Dalai Lama

My relationship began and thrives with a positive vision (yet sometimes the gremlin rears it's ugly head)