3 Essential Steps to Stop Self-Sabotage Once and for All

"To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will."
-Sugar Ray Robinson

There are plenty of cynics in this world. Even if someone doesn't self-identify that way, we all have that dark little voice telling us the reasons we can't accomplish something, the reason things are destined to fail. What's worse than telling ourselves something isn't possible? Telling someone else that their dream isn't possible. One side step to that that's even more insidious, is telling other people that someone else isn't capable of something (ahhh, vicious gossip).

While you may not choose to acknowledge that you are indulging your inner bully, what else can you call it if you're being straight up about it? Start by making a choice to listen to your inner bully, then tell him/her/it to "take a long walk off a short pier". Or you can tell it to "Go F**K itself!" Whatever you need to break from that pattern of thinking long enough to get something done.

Step 1: Choose to believe you're capable of more than you can ever imagine. In some respects, you might be in the paradigm of fake it til you make it here. When you get to the point you believe in yourself, know that this isn't a permanent condition, nobody transcends that inner bully, at least nobody I've met yet.

Step 2: Surround yourself with people who are adult in their self-respect, and childish in their belief in chasing dreams. The adult part is important, as people who behave as children across the board are prone to childish jealousy, gossip, and feeling bad for themselves when you succeed. Your victory becomes their insecurity. The part that is childish (dream chasing element) is key because a lot of so-called grown ups are bitter, jaded and cynical. As far as I can tell, a very high percentage of these people have lived responsible, reasonable lives, and have at some point in time given up on something they really, really wanted to chase after.

Step 3: Foster an environment where you empower others in their goals and dreams, you become a champion vs the inner bullies of others. This can take many forms, but it starts with recognizing the red flags of others' inner bullies, and taking a stand for them to overcome. Interestingly enough, Step 3 is the most essential to maintaining Steps 1 & 2, as when our focus expands to community (instead of self), it's much more difficult to indulge in bad habits. When you put your focus on others, I find you also elevate your personal game. When you stand for excellence in others, you naturally trend towards maintaining your own excellence. Vanity helps here, nobody wants to be viewed as a hypocrite.

To expand a bit on the community focus, I have long had a rule for myself as a coach, but even more so as a human being:

"Never tear down the dreams or goals of another human being."

That's the baseline. But when I am living and breathing it, "another human being" will also extend to me, I'm not allowed to tear down my own goals and dreams.

A shout out to my friend (and mentor) Robert Mills, a man who hired me to coach one of his marathon programs before I had even really run a marathon myself. Yes, you read that right. Marathon program #1 (I'm now closing in on my 40th program coached), I had not even RUN a 26.2 mile footrace myself. Now, looking back on 13 years of marathon experience, I've finished over 60 races of 26.2 miles up to 135 miles in a single shot, having coached 2,500+ athletes to achieve their goals and dreams. But it started with believing in myself even if not 100%, and finding others who did too. Again, thanks to Robert and Euri, and especially that champion who's been at my side for all of that, my beloved Kate.

Call to action:

1- What big goal / dream are you chasing after actively now?

2- Is there a back-burner goal/dream that you haven't taken any action on in a long time? (i.e. something you keep telling yourself you'll go after when you're ready, just not now)

3- Who could you share these with that would stand for you being accountable to chasing these goals and dreams?

4- Who could you stand for to get on track with their goals and dreams?

"A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at."
-Bruce Lee

The First Steps (Out the Door) Are Often the Toughest - Original 6 Hundo Challenge aka #O6HC Blog Entry 01

"You are capable of more than you know.  Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path.  Aim high.  Behave honorably.  Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure.  Persist!  The world needs all you can give."

-E.O. Wilson

*Original 6 Hundo Challenge (#O6HC) - the first six hundred mile trail races to exist in the United States, in order of inception: Western States, Squaw Valley, CA to Auburn, CA (1974), Old Dominion, Fort Valley, VA (1979), Wasatch Front, Utah (1980), Leadville Trail, Colorado (1983), Angeles Crest, Wrightwood, CA to Pasadena/Altadena (1986), and Vermont (1989)  * - this challenge has historically been known by the title the Last Great Race which is presently "on hiatus".  Out of respect to the organizer, we've chosen to call the challenge another name until we are able to register for the LGR officially.


It's been quite a 9 month stretch since I completed the 2013 Angeles Crest 100 (AC) and Leadville Trail 100 (LT) inside of a two week period (well, 2 weeks, 1 day and a couple-few extra hours).  I spent about 10 days post that 100-mile double challenge hibernating, as it f**king wrecked me.  So, sounds like a perfectly rational idea to run 6 hundreds (the first 6 hundred mile trail races that existed in the United States) in a 13 week period, right?!?  A long-standing motto of mine: the worst ideas often make the best stories.

To begin with, I blame the seed for this idea being planted on Andy Kumeda.  In 2007, we were chatting in Wrightwood awaiting the check in for the Angeles Crest Endurance Run.  Andy had attempted to run these same six races in 2007 and going into AC Andy was 4-for-5 having timed out at that year's #4 (Leadville), at Mile 60.  I was still floored, as he had finished the Wasatch Front 100 (WF)  in 35:57 (with less than 3 minutes to spare) and was attempting to complete AC only 6 days after that finish.  The 2007 Angeles Crest became my first ever DNF at any race of any distance (it was my only hundred attempt in 2007). I pulled out about halfway through (Mile 49, Mt. Hillyer) with some breathing problems that may or may not have been hypoxia or the early stages of hyponatremia.  Andy finished AC with a couple/few hours to spare.  He vowed to give these 6 hundos another shot as soon as he got back into the Western States 100 (States), and 7 years later, here we are.

I personally loved the idea of The Grand Slam of Ultrarunning (the Slam) which is 4 of the original 6 hundreds, about one per month, but have some longer term goals at Angeles Crest, so while I wanted to run Western States, the Vermont 100 (VT), Leadville and Wasatch in the same summer, I felt too impatient to skip AC for a summer (FOMO in LA is particularly fierce).  Angeles Crest used to be late-September/early-October as recently as 2008, but has been moved to July/August since the devastating Station Fire in 2009.  Now, with AC in late-July/early-August, it's sandwiched in between the only 4 week break in the Grand Slam, 2 weeks after Vermont, 2 weeks prior to Leadville.  I realized I'd be doing 5 of the original 6, looked up Old Dominion 100 (OD), which was formerly a part of the Grand Slam, between 1986 when Tom Green first finished OD, Western States, Leadville and Wasatch in the same summer, and Tom is at it again this summer 28 years later (Go Tom Go!). Old Dominion was a part of the Slam until 2003 when OD did not happen and Vermont has formally replaced it in the Slam every year since.  Since my modified Grand Slam (the Slam+AC) only allotted 2-3 weeks between each race, it didn't seem like much more of a stretch to throw in OD 3 weeks before that all began.  NOTE: I joked far too often that Old Dominion was my "warm-up race" and that joke bit me in the rear.  OD kicked my butt, and I was taught that joking about how one race will be easier is a very dangerous mental space to be in.

The Torrey Pines Glider Port (Cliff) Stairs and Blacks Beach

I DNF'd for the second consecutive February at a SoCal 50 mile race (2014 was the inaugural Sean O'Brien, a race I helped lay out, and test ran in October to create an elevation profile, and 2013 I failed to finish the Ray Miller 50 Mile before going on to complete Angeles Crest and Leadville later that year), and I'm holding my breath that it was a good omen (although I have to work out my string of lifetime DNF's the second time I run a course which includes 2 hundreds and 2 fifties).  That was a wake up call.  Training got a lot more consistent after that.  Life, however, failed to cooperate with my extended training plans for this challenge.  From February to late-May, ultimately I averaged 47.5 miles per week, which included an entire month where my mileage total didn't eclipse 62 miles (for the entire month!).  At one point, spent about 2 weeks with my mom who had a horseback riding accident that led to her fracturing L1 and requiring some significant medical care for the first phase of her recovery.  I got to know the running available in La Jolla, California pretty intimately as I'd help administer my mom's meds and home care, then head out the door for a couple hours of sand running & cliff repeats near the Torrey Pines Glider Port & Blacks Beach.  Looking back on this, it may have been the longest half month of my life.  Seeing a loved one that injured is beyond any emotional or physical stress I have ever experienced.  My mom is greatly improved (3 months into her recovery) and may have dodged a bullet not immediately needing a major 5 vertebrae spinal fusion surgery.  Yay, mom!  Got really sick for about 8 days after that, and didn't feel like myself (running or otherwise) for another 3-4 weeks.  When all that dust settled, I was 3 weeks from race #1 in the #O6HC


"Good judgment comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgment."
-Mark Twain


Instead of going through and writing a blow-by-blow recap of the 3 one-hundred mile races I've already gone through (which I promise to recap via podcast or video-blog, at the very least), I'll let you know a few of the epiphanies and reflections that could hopefully be more useful to you in your running or life goals.

*Never underestimate 100 miles  - researching all 6 races in this series, both Old Dominion and Vermont had the least aggressive elevation profiles and fastest historical finishing times.  I went into OD saying, "this is my warm up 100" and the race beat me down pretty soundly.  Kate has seen me run this distance at least a dozen times, and said she had never seen me looking that broken at the end of a race.  Every 100 will have it's own unique (and idiosyncratic) challenges.  Respect the distance.  Respect the conditions.  Seek to uncover the hidden challenges of an event prior to starting.  I was geared up for the challenge of the humidity, when my left peroneal tendon went out, I realize I had never considered what cambered country roads would do to me.

*Plan to flow (and how to flow when the plan disintegrates) - mentality conditioning is as important as physical conditioning in difficult life and running adventures.  Look to unlock your Zen by practicing some mantras and putting forth a positive perspective (or assigning silver linings to tough situations) in training and in life, prior to the adversity that will inevitably find you in your goal events.  In the early stages of the Vermont 100, I noticed a piece of trash on the trail, which I picked up to put in my handheld water bottle sleeve.  The paper, when examined, was from a fortune cookie.  The fortune?
"You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails."

Frolicking at Western States around Mile 38

This thought stuck with me the rest of the day.  I couldn't control when/where my difficulty would arise, but I could determine what attitude I approached the difficulty with, and make adjustments to my plan for that race.  That sourced me the rest of the day and worked very, very well.

*Far more fun to be had rooting FOR people than wasting energy rooting AGAINST someone - I have met and enjoyed the company of no less than 30 people over the 300 miles Andy and I have covered thus far (in Virginia, NorCal and Vermont).  To qualify that, I've talked to more than 300 people, but have held at least 3-5 minute conversations during the race, with probably around 1 person every 10 miles.  I love hearing a person's (aka new friend's) story.  Why they do this crazy $#!^ too, what they are up to in this one precious life of theirs.  First half of the race it's generally talking about life, goals and dreams type of stuff.  Second half of the race, often times we're talking about problems we're having, a running issue we need to trouble shoot, (adjusted) goals for the race, and how we can help each other achieve them.  The last time I remember actively rooting against some one (save any member of the Los Angeles Dodgers, LA Kings, or Dallas Cowboys) was Rollie the Goalie after seeing his cheap antics of the 2006 NHL Playoffs.  Honestly, don't even ask.  When it comes to ultrarunning, a few people have made it clear to me that they are rooting against me (again, don't ask) and I can't even find the energy to return favor.  There's so much goodwill, and positive humanity around 100 mile mountain races, I find that I want everyone to have their best day.  We all know we're in for trials, for discomfort or bone-jarring pain, and the day/night/day will be an adventure.  The kinship this activity breeds is what makes this community so special to me.  So even if I get it in my head that I want to "finish before you do" which never equates to me as "beating someone" as there are only a few rare friends I even think this way about (Mike Chamoun, Karl Hoagland, Eric Wickland, George Gleason, Kate Martini, etc.), I still want you to have your A+ day out there, and want it to be a fun story for both of us to share a beer over when we're long since old-and-gray.  So do what you can out there to help people succeed, yes, help your fellow competitors.  It will make you feel better (and forget your current issues for a moment).  That good mojo will feed back into your race.  But don't do it for the mojo.  Do it because you want to see yourself as kind, generous and graceful.  Never know, you might turn someone's day/race around.  That feels better than a finish (to me).

I could wax on (and wax off) a lot longer on these things, and these three races.  But there's a lot more decompressing to do, and 3 more races to "run".  I'm going to sign off now and get this thing up, as it's been too long a dry spell for this #WannaBeWriter

But I Don't Feel Like It Anymore - Commitment vs Feelings and Why You Should Do It Anyway

"Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable (of becoming)."
-Coach John Wooden

My first career (1995-2001) was inside and outside sales for a technology firm in Silicon Valley during the dot.com boom/bubble years.  That's a fancy way of saying that right out of high school I got a job working for my father's business partner Paul on business development of a new territory.  The new territory?  Southern California.

From 1995-1997 I went to school full time and worked part time developing new business making cold calls from a business guide.  This is prior to major & minor companies having robust websites and prior to Google telling me how to find any information on any company, product or person that has a public presence.  I had only an encyclopedia sized book, a company name, their product line and a phone number.  It was my job to call the receptionist, and somehow talk my way through the web of that company to get to someone who purchased electronic components from other companies to make the product that they sold.  Simple enough, right?  Only problem was that the bigger the company, the more intricate the web of people who didn't know what anyone else did, not to mention the bulldog receptionists and personal assistants that were hired and trained to be a firewall against calls like mine.

Paul, my mentor/boss, has completed many endurance rides/runs.

In 1997, Paul (co-founder of the company, Signet Technical Sales, later Signet LCD and then IDS) offered me a full time position.  I accepted and stepped full tilt into the corporate world, which included 10-15 hours a week of commuting (to and from San Jose) and 40-60 hour weeks.  "Salesmen have no hours!" Paul used to say, much like Alec Baldwin's character from my favorite movie about sales, "Glengary Glen Ross."  Back then, I would spend most of my day dialing up strangers and asking for a favor, "please tell me who I need to talk to who makes the decision on purchasing these parts for your products."  I got really clear that there were going to be good days and bad days.  Days I felt inspired to do it and days I didn't want to pick up the phone to encounter 43 more rejections in 44 calls (and the 1 other call was a voicemail).

My last full year at Signet (2001), I stopped commuting.  I moved from San Francisco to San Jose, and cut my 3 hours of daily driving to 15 minutes each way.  I suddenly had 2 to 2.5 hours per day I didn't even know what to do with.  I was inspired, energized and ready to train for my first marathon, something I had put off for 5-6 years.  I committed to run my first 26.2, which was actually the second time I made that commitment (it was first a New Year's Resolution in 2000, until I didn't feel like training anymore, about maybe 19 days later).

I had signed up for the San Diego Rock'n'Roll Marathon, I also booked the round trip flight from San Jose to San Diego for early June and I hired a coach to help guide me (shout out to Coach Kaley, the first coach I ever hired).  Problem was, I was overeager.  I trained myself right into an overuse injury (ITBS) within about 2-3 weeks.  I wanted to run, but I couldn't.  So Coach Kaley (a very talented triathlete) started working with me on swimming and biking (as much as sitting on a spin bike can be considered biking).

I cross trained for a full month, until I just didn't feel like it anymore.  My knee hadn't improved, and I still had pain after mile 2 on basically every run I'd go on to test it out, about every 2 weeks.  I stopped training altogether.  That was mid-February.  Late-May came up on me fast and I realized I had a trip to San Diego (flights booked, accommodations made) and suddenly I was feeling inspired again.  So I went for a few runs to shake off the rust, determined my knee didn't hurt at mile 2 anymore and flew to San Diego.

*Note: this is NOT my bib # from 2001

Along the way I had raised maybe $500-$900 for the NCCF, but it was all in $1-$2 per mile sponsorship donation checks.  I was certainly not fit for 26.2 miles straight, on roads.  But I also felt a sense of obligation to finish what I started since I couldn't donate checks for the amounts they were written out for if they were based on the miles I had committed to doing.  I was in a quandary: do I run a marathon and put myself at risk of re-aggravation of this injury that put me down for 3-4 months?  Do I not run it, yet send in the checks anyway?  Do I not run it and send the checks back to their donors?

I went into the marathon expo on Saturday and again was inspired by all the fit, healthy people. There were many charities there with teams, and coaches, and team colors.  I knew I had to send these checks in.  I also knew I needed to run the distance.  I also didn't want to spend another 4 months not being able to run.  I decided to walk 13-14 miles, Saturday.  I got the course map and followed it until I got to a freeway entrance (94 out of downtown SD) and elected to do another lap around Balboa Park.  I wrapped it up in about 4 hours (about 17-minute mile pace) and went to visit my sister for dinner in La Jolla.  Sunday morning I caught a cab to Sea World, and at about the mile 14 mark I waited for the race to come by.  I watched the elites, the sub-3 national class athletes, the age groupers, and somewhere about an hour later jumped into the fray.  Again, I walked more than I ran, but I was coming up against my feelings of failure, the disappointment I wasn't an official participant (it was a chip race, and I'd never show up in the results).  But on the other side of those negative feelings, I was doing something maybe for the first time in my life, that wasn't going the way I envisioned it, and I was finishing it anyway.  My watch read 6-hours, 17-minutes when I hit the 26.2 mile mark, and based on when I started the day prior, my unofficial time would have read 22-hours, 17-minutes.  By all measures of marathon finishes, I was a DNS (on Sunday) or a DNF (on Saturday).  Two half marathons in back-to-back days is not a marathon.  But I sent in those checks and wrote a letter to everyone who donated, "I am happy to reimburse you if you object to the way I completed this marathon, and here's why you won't find me in any official results...".  It was a huge turning point in my life.

Officially finished my 1st marathon 16 months later.

Even today, I still come up against the feelings of "I don't want to train today, I just don't feel inspired or motivated to do it." and some days, those feelings win out.  But more often than not over the past 13 years, I cast my feelings and lack of motivation aside, and ask myself, "what am I committed to?" and often, the answer is pretty simple.  When you ask yourself what you're committed to, and weigh it against what you're feeling, whatever is bigger wins.  So my commitments have become huge, 'larger than me' type challenges, such that my fickle and ever-shifting feelings can be good, bad or ugly, but rarely are they bigger than my commitment to the goal.

You won't win this battle every day.  But the more you play this game, the stronger at "being your commitment" which is essentially "adhering to ones principles" instead of empowering your feelings which can change moment to moment, day to day and are as unpredictable as the weather.

What are you committed to?
*post a comment below and declare what you're committed to!

Overcome Your Biggest Fears - Commitment vs Fear Exercise

"The hero is no braver than an ordinary man - but he is brave five minutes longer."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

More than a decade ago (1996-2000 time frame), I was consumed by my fear of things not turning out in my life.  I was hesitant, apprehensive, and worrisome.  I had been telling myself for 5 years that I would make the move from the San Francisco Bay Area to Los Angeles, and hoped I'd run a marathon someday (yes, my first marathon).  I was also in a holding pattern in my romantic relationships.  One day I woke up sick and tired of being stopped by my fear.  Not long after having these thoughts 9/11/01 happened providing me a defining moment of courage.  Sometime between then and now, many people started relating to me as fearless.  That perception couldn't be further from the truth, as I am as terrified as I always was.

Sometimes fear seems so much bigger than we are.

So, an ostrich walks into a bar...

While I am indeed someone who routinely runs extreme mountain and desert races, I took a 6 year turn as a stand up comic (not that I was ever really funny), married the girl of my dreams after 7 years of trying to convince her I was the guy of her dreams (I guess I'm still trying to convince her), and I willingly get up in front of large groups of strangers to give speeches (check out this awesome USA Today Money article on taming public speaking fears), the one thing that is a constant is that I am still very much afraid.

I fear failing at the things most important to me.  I fear people not liking me.  I fear those not liking me being vocal in their disapproval (the cliche unhappy cool kids at school talking behind your back in a mean spirited way).  I fear trying to inspire people (and having them walk away uninspired).  I fear being judged (harshly).  I fear running 100 miles (and not finishing or worse, walking away not able to run due to injury).  I fear the failure of my relationship.  I fear sadness, due to my past battles with depression.  I have a lot more to lose today than I did in the late 90's and early 2000's.  Being older (maybe wiser) I understand the consequences of my actions (and not following through on things).  I feel the emotional impact of letting people down a lot deeper than before.  My anxiousness and fears have only escalated.

The very serpent that helped me overcome my fear of snakes in 2006.

I turned a corner in my life in late 2000, where I realized that there may be no place where I feel more alive, than when confronting my greatest fears, and when facing my darkest demons. When facing one's fear, there arises a sense of power you can not experience while armchair quarterbacking your favorite reality TV show. When you are out in life doing (rather than thinking about doing) you are experiencing life real time, you are more present, more alive and turned on, plugged in and vital. This, my friends, is what life could be about.  It is what I've made my life about.

It took me years to learn the tough lessons of what ignoring my fear (especially of failure) creates in my life.  I still experience breakthroughs in this area from time to time.  Last Sunday was another example of this for me.  It's interesting how having your life flash before your eyes brings crystal clarity about what's important to you and how precious and fragile life really is.  It can all change in a second.  A single moment can bring us to our knees.

Together 12 years, married for 5 so far!

What fear is presently holding you back? Are you not asking for a promotion? Are you wanting to switch jobs or even careers?  Are you not signing up for your dream race (the one that terrifies you)? Are you not telling a special friend how you really feel about them? Are you not taking calculated risks towards what your soul desires, what you crave to feel fully alive???

**Imagine me shaking you by the shoulders right now, SHAKING YOU VIGOROUSLY**

WAKE UP, MY FRIEND!!! Your life is right now, today, happening this very moment. Why are you wasting it empowering your fears!?!?

I have a little game I remind myself of when I realize I've become complacent.  Sometimes I over think and rationalize my inaction.  It is a simple mental reframing of commitment vs fear.  We are either more committed to what we want to create in life, or we are hiding behind our fear.  It's an either or thing.  There comes an aha moment when you realize that overcoming our fear doesn't mean being fearless, as courage is really defined by acting in the face of our greatest fears.  The larger and deeper the fear runs, the more courageous the act.  We all have more courage than we can possibly imagine.

So, are you going to be committed to your dreams and desires, or will you empower your fears?  The choice seems simple, but only action solidifies that commitment.

"There are those of us who are always about to live. We are waiting until things change, until there is more time, until we are less tired, until we get a promotion, until we settle down / until, until, until. It always seems as if there is some major event that must occur in our lives before we begin living."
-George Sheehan


I invite you to do something today that scares you.  Yes, even that very thing you've been avoiding.  The thing you are hiding out from.  Life is shorter than we relate to it being.  Fear puts the soul to sleep, except when we are facing it.  If you're reading this, I love you. I believe in you.  It will feel really good to no longer be captive to that fear.  Do it.  Come on, you can, I promise you can.

Now go take on some dragons.

Each accomplishment  is merely the starting point of another dream.

Mind the Gap - Big Dreams and the Terror In Launching After a Goal

"Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan."
-Tom Landry, Legendary NFL Head Coach

This post is about biting off more than you can chew.  Dealing with the realization that you don't plan on taking anything off your plate (or I guess figuratively outta your mouth) prior to the journey towards the achievement of life altering stuff.  Yep, yet another pursuing big goals and dreams blog.  Just don't choke (pun intended).

MIND THE GAP

Literal meaning - in mass transit (think subway trains), 'mind the gap' refers to making sure you don't underestimate the distance between the platform and train and step into the chasm (which could cause a serious injury)
As a metaphor - in my life, 'mind the gap' means making sure I don't hyper fixate on the distance between present day and my goal/dream and get stuck in that void (doing nothing to move from one side to the other)

There is a major pitfall I have often experienced in chasing after huge goals and dreams not long after setting them. In the few weeks after declaring something huge (as is often the case for many people between January 1st & January 22nd every year) is once I say, "I'm gonna do ______ this year!" my next step is to plan out how exactly I intend to accomplish that declaration.  Even if you are not an uber planner, it is pretty common to have that realization that where we stand right now and where we want to end up (in achieving that goal) is a massive distance apart.  I refer to that massive distance as "the gap".

My 2014 set of goals & dreams are all pretty simple, and totally straight forward.  One of them might even seem to be an over share (rare for me, I know):

1- publish my first book (Making Molehills Out of Mountains)
2- enter, start & finish all 6 hundred milers in the Last Great Race ultra challenge (aka the Original 6 hundreds in the US in the same year June-September)
3- quadruple my income as a keynote speaker & coach
4- make a baby, and help my wife bring a healthy child into existence (okay, so there's your TMI for this post)

LGR has been completed 36 times. Only ONCE in last 6 yrs (David Snipes)

I'll take a moment to examine my #2 for a minute (since many of you have declared some big athletic goals publicly for 2014).  I have been training to run 100 milers for more than 8 years now, and have only attempted to complete 3 in the same calendar year once (in 2010, I finished Rocky Raccoon in February, Badwater in July and then DNF'd Oil Creek in October at mile 76).  I have completed 2 hundred milers in the same year 4 times, and until 2013, those 2 were never closer than 2-3 months apart, minimum.  In 2013, I completed my now typical 2 hundred milers, but they were 13 days apart (Angeles Crest August 3-4, then Leadville August 17-18).  I was wrecked for the better part of 2 weeks afterward.  The idea of 6 hundreds over a 13 week period is daunting, especially when measured by my past experiences.  Doing a 100 mile trail race every 13-21 days over 13 weeks, completing 3 times as many hundreds in a year (let alone in LESS than 3 months, my normal period in between 2 hundos) is terrifying to me.

After my goal post on December 19th, and really, since knowing I was going to go after the Last Great Race (made up my mind November 1st), all I can see right now is how far I have to go.  I am present to the cold, hard facts: I lack consistency, I am not disciplined, I have sub-par fitness, average endurance and I am overwhelmed by how much there is to plan and organize between now and June 7th (when this whole thing kicks off in Virginia).  Totally normal to get stuck in the void, and sometimes, it causes a form of paralysis where you are so focused on the big picture that you stop doing the little day-by-day things you know you need to be doing because you have trouble seeing how such little things will make a difference in something so massive.

Most people talk themselves out of continuing in this period.  The moment things get tough, when momentum or forward progress is lost, people tell themselves "this just isn't meant to be" or "maybe I'm not being realistic about this goal right now" and let themselves off the hook.  They back burner the goal, shelve it to "someday, maybe, but not now" status.  Really, all we need to do is create new momentum.  One of my favorite coaches from back in the day used to say, "in life, most people wait for the inspiration to do the thing.  Do the thing, get the inspiration."

I try to simplify and break down something that takes 6+ months into day by day steps.  Try this with your most daunting of 2014 goals:

STEP 1 - write the goal down (if you haven't already) and declare it to a committed listener (a friend that will be inspired by your commitment and encourage you along the way).  NO, this does not need to be done via social media FB/TW/Blog/etc.
*Run 6 hundred mile trail races from June 7th-Sept 6th

STEP 2 - determine where you anticipate you'd need to be (hypothetically speaking) by the time you are halfway through the time period you've given yourself to achieve that goal
*if I'm to be fit to run 6 hundreds in 13 weeks starting June 7th, I have about 5 months to train, so in 2.5 months, I should be in base 100 mile shape and capable of running 100 mountain miles by mid-March).

STEP 3 - determine where you anticipate you'd like to be one month from now (or another interim period, say 1-3 months away IF that is sooner than the STEP 2 declaration)
*if I am to be 100 miler fit by mid-March, I better be fit to run 50 miles in the mountains by early February.  How convenient that I'm registered for the Sean O'Brien 50 Miler on February 1st!

STEP 4 - continue to break the time periods down until you arrive at the 2 weeks out, 1 week out, and day-by-day steps
*having 4 weeks to arrive in 50 mile mountain running shape, I should be capable of running 20 mile back-to-backs in the mountains 3 weekends from now, meaning I need to be capable of 15-16 mile doubles this weekend or next.  Assuming that is true, I'm at my day-by-day goal/breakdown.  I need to run 4-6 days every week, getting out the door for a minimum 5-8 miles each run.  On many of my run days and some rest/recovery days, I need to be doing things that help my overall strength, fitness, flexibility and muscle balance.  Essentially, I must do something EVERY DAY that forwards my body or mind, towards this goal.  5 miles + 15 min dedicated to stretching is less than 1 hour of a commitment, meaning I need to dedicate an hour a day, minimum, to this end.

Suddenly, when I think of ONE singular hour, today (and tomorrow), it seems a lot more manageable.  I can run for 45-75 minutes today (in fact, I ran 9 miles in the mountains this morning), and I can repeat that again tomorrow (I took yesterday off).  One day at a time, one hour at a time, one mile at a time, one step at a time.

I have done this with 3 of my 4 major 2014 goals.  I have overcome my inertia from the post goal setting paralysis.  And when I feel daunted again, I shall once again 'mind the gap'.  Don't worry, you will fall short of your day to day expectations/plans, but really, your success will come from how quickly you can overcome that inertia again and start the new streak, your new momentum.  At the end of the year, whether or not you achieve the goal isn't the point.  Who you become along that journey is what it's all about...

The final step of my 2013 athletic stretch goal was painfully bittersweet.

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one."
-Mark Twain

Kayaking the River of Life - Self Limiting Beliefs & Adaptive Thinking

It took me a couple decades to figure out how much of an impact how I think (and what I believe to be true) about an experience influenced how I perceived that event, and furthermore, how my actions moving forward (in relationship to that event) would be affected.  Flashback 25 years prior: I am in lock-down psychiatric care, yep, I am institutionalized. (read more on the depression story here if this is the first you're hearing this information)  I believed I didn't belong in an institution.  I was in shock, angry and upset.  Doctors & case workers would interview me in therapy sessions, and I acted like I was completely above it all.  In group therapy, my body language was a collective "go f**k yourself" and I absolutely refused to participate.  How the patients there were treated and managed seemed to me a little bit how I imagine prison might be, but instead of everyone being a danger to each other (i.e. fights between prisoners), most inmates were just on watch for being a danger to themselves.  A couple of days into that experience, I finally started asking questions of myself and the doctors.

"How long do you expect me to be here, doctor?"

"3 months or more, Jimmy."

It was June, and I was just graduating (if one can really call it that) from elementary school and preparing to enter middle school.  It was a huge transitional time for all kids, but I was put in a whole other category of transition.  It would be like most 16 year old kids are getting drivers licenses and I'm completing a program to pilot the next space shuttle mission.  Except I was 12 pushing 13.  Well, at least chronologically I was that age. This experience launched me into a whole other mode of consciousness about life, the fragility of freedom, the societal agreements about what sanity is, and really put me in a place where I felt desperately alone in the world (for a great many years).

"3 months is my whole summer!  I can't be here 3 months!!!"

"Then you'd better start cooperating with your caretakers and case workers, Jimmy, and pretty quick."

So I started to (figuratively) dance.  Like an organ grinder monkey, I learned some tricks.  It was at that moment I realized that there was no turning back.  The institution was my new reality at least for the time being, and I had to adapt or die.  If cooperation was what would get me out of there, i.e. not fighting against my circumstances, then I was going to be the poster child for institutionalized good behavior.  I was 3-4 years every other patients junior.  The older kids began to take me under their wing, make sure I was protected and cared for (by the other kids).  If you were against the grain with those kids, some horrible stuff happened that I won't dare describe to you, as it's simply a sad, tragic situation.  I was released within 2 weeks.  Making so much progress, the doctors said, that I could be moved into normal life with out patient psychiatric therapy sessions.  Life started to flow in the direction I desired again.

Imagine the energy and direction of your life like water flowing down a river.  There are times the water isn't moving very fast and you can pretty easily navigate your kayak back and forth to either side of the river, even turning your direction upriver if the water is calm enough.  Then there are times you hit Class IV rapids (or worse) and instead of navigating, you're just trying to pass that section of the river safely.  You aren't thinking about the banks or even where you want to go, you are mentally present and in the current moment, each paddle stroke is a critical one, getting through the tough part to where the water will settle down again.  Going backwards (at least while in the water) at that point is completely out of the question.

Life moves like the most powerful river you can imagine.  More often than not, it flows in one direction (we all are getting older each and every day, there is no getting younger chronologically).  We can fight that flow, but we'll be much more powerful and efficient learning to work with the flow, and the occasional ebbs, and then the flow again.

For parts of 2013, my life seemed calm.  I had time to really think things through.  Reflect on what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be moving forward.  I/we hit some Class IV 'life rapids' in November (my partner in crime Kate broke her leg and will require 9-12 months of rigorous healing, relearning how to walk, drive, and eventually, another surgery, then hopefully, someday soon, she'll run again) and I've been doing all I can to survive since then, and just now the waters are starting to calm down a bit.  This river is still moving swiftly, so I am mindful that I'm likely close to more rapids, but I'm calm and present to the work there is to be done.  I'm mostly at peace with my situation. Mostly.

This principle is applicable to life, athletics, career and even romantic relationships.  There's a time to think and plan, and there's a time to act with little to no time to think.  And the more willing you are to accept your present circumstances as they are, the higher efficiency you will have in your ability to navigate to calmer waters where you can think about where you want to be next.  Plan, act, plan, act.  But we don't get to choose where the rapids happen.  Yes, we can feel the water start to move more swiftly (in our lives, there are always signals and indicators if we are paying attention for them), and you can anticipate, but you rarely know whether something will be Class II, Class V, we really just need to work to be as ready as possible to adapt.  When an undesirable event happens, of course there is a normal progression of shock, awe, frustration, sadness, etc.  But if you spend a ton of time feeling sorry for yourself (and working to get others to feel sorry for you), it's precious time and energy wasted, energy that could have been spent getting you back to where you want to be.  We all freeze in moments of trauma.  It's the moment you realize you're frozen that you have a choice to start moving, or just complain about being frozen.

A smooth river never made a skilled kayaker.

I am not suggesting that you shouldn't ever be upset.  Just consider that there is a point where we personally prolong the upset by getting others around us riled up about our situation.  We want to hear "I'm so sorry that happened to you" over and over and over again, and there's no gold in that. It just cements the energy and emotions around those events in place, and makes us stagnant.  Think for a moment about that family member or friend who wears their trauma(s) like a badge, and dumps them on you when you ask "how are you doing?"  You sometimes start to avoid that person (oops, that call went to voice mail again).  Moving forward becomes increasingly difficult for you (or them).  Imagine when someone hears about your difficult situation and says, "I'm sorry" and you can turn it around (adapt to the moment) and say, "don't be sorry for me, this event gave me new perspective and I'm now more clear about which direction I am headed. Maybe you could help me move in that direction?" Suddenly, you are one step closer to creating the new environment and life that you seek.  Instead of in the same place you were, hating your situation for much longer than necessary.

I acknowledge that this rule is much easier stated than followed.  My last 6 weeks has been the one of the toughest month and a half periods of my life.  But as is often the case with something difficult, it has been rewarding, it has been profoundly moving, and it has given me clarity of purpose.

Take a look at situations you might be presently struggling with.  If you are an athlete, look at how being upset and wishing a moment (in a race, or in training) be different than it actually is stops you from your forward progress.  I have been known to throw a few tantrums at aid stations in 100 mile mountain races, shhhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone.  This can literally apply to any unexpected circumstance.  Moving forward, you have a choice to create a new pattern of thought and behavior that empowers you, and maybe you'll start looking at the rapids in life as something far more interesting to navigate, possibly even exciting and exhilarating...

One more thing. Class U / Class VI rapids will get you killed quick, so don't go chasin' waterfalls...

A Journey of 7,609 Miles Begins with a Single Step - What Confucius & Forrest Gump have in common

So y'all know I love my inspirational quotes.  I throw them in Tweets, BLOGS (see below), post them on all social media outlets available to me, each quote is a log stoking my own personal fire of inspiration.  I love sharing what inspires me to help each of you (my family, my friends and my readers) learn to keep your own fire burning hot (the inspiration fire, for this analogy).  This morning was a really surreal start to a Thursday.  Many know that my favorite morning nearly every week is Thursday morning, as 99% of the time it starts with a Coyote trail run and 30-60 badass trail runners of the noob and advanced variety, and everything in between.  Today's run was full of unique circumstances and nostalgia, and since you're here, I'd love to take you on part of the journey with me...

Parker Mesa Overlook, off of the Los Liones trail called "the Chute" also accessed by Paseo Mirimar fireroad

"A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step."
-Confucius

Kate and I running Route 66 miles together

Today marked my 1,000th run in the last 5 years.  Now this may seem silly for someone who heads up a group like the SoCal Coyotes, and maybe even trite for someone who has completed 11 races of 100 miles or further.  Yet I found myself thinking of the run Kate and I did together from Chicago to Santa Monica on the Route 66, which took us about 16-17 days in May/June of 2012, the Run It Forward tour.  There were 8 ultra runners (and a few more support crew who ran a leg here and there), and we completed the route with each of us averaging around 20-25 miles each day.

I started to do a little math in my head.  I started running this block of training on November 21st, 2006.  2,494 days have passed since.  By the averages, I'm running once every 2.5 days (or about 3 times per week).  Since 2006, I've actually logged an average of 5-6 runs per week (let's say 5.5 to split the difference).  My present cycle of running began in late-August, 2003.  It's been 3,673 days since then.  If one assumes I've run 5.5 times per week (on average) and rounds my 7.6 mile per run average down to 7.25 miles, it gives me a pretty safe estimate of around 40 miles per week, which considers weeks off, and a slow build up from August of 2003 to April of 2004.  40 miles per week times 525 weeks (how long it's been since the last week of August in 2003) is 21,000 miles (or my best guesstimate of how much I've run this past decade, a little over 2,000 miles per year).

Why do all these numbers matter?  Well, really, they don't, but we humans give everything meaning.  So, whilst I was running with Rachel this morning, I realized how difficult it was to START running again, from ground zero.  I recalled a week in late-May of 2001 when I promised my friend Troy "I will walk 2 blocks to get groceries" and I couldn't even do that.  I trained for 4 marathons before I finished my first.  Lack of motivation, sickness, injury, I withstood setback after painful setback, and the physical pains often led to much more complicated emotional pain and suffering.  I saw an opening when I finally went for that first run in late-May 2001, I felt liberated running down this fairway on a golf course near my apartment, and I never wanted to lose that feeling again.  I elected to go to a marathon I knew I couldn't finish (San Diego Rock'n'Roll in June of 2001, the first of the four I trained for before I finished the Chicago Marathon in October of 2002).

Y'all know I get hokey from time to time (so here goes): after picking up my bib at the SD R'n'R expo (a race I didn't plan to complete), I walked by a palm reader / fortune teller.  She said many things but one thing I buried in my subconscious was "you will be a very successful author, and have a few well regarded books."  Now, you can say what you want about fortune telling, fortune cookies (yum, best stale dessert ever), and horoscopes being incredibly general so everyone can relate, but this was something that in my mind (back then) was not on the radar, at all.  I thought to myself, "hahahaha, she picked the wrong dude for that generalization."  And while it remains to be seen how many books I write and how successful and well regarded they are, what I recalled this morning sent chills up my spine.  The first chapter of my book is titled: Breaking Through Inertia and is 100% about May of 2001 and the lead in to the SD R'n'R Marathon.  I'm still doing mental cartwheels over that one.

"Wherever I went, I. WAS. RUN-NING!"

“I don't know if we have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happenin' at the same time."
-Forrest Gump



So back to the numbers, and the meaning behind them.  At one point I thought I might never be healthy enough to run a marathon: remember that I trained for FOUR before finishing one part?  Then, after Chicago in 2002, I developed stage 3 patellar tendinitis less than a month later and was OUT of running again for 10 months.  At that point, I honestly thought I'd never run again.  So looking back on a decade where I've (hypothetically) run more than 20,000 miles and have a record for 7,608, that got me thinking about Forrest Gump and his run back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth-again across the US.

Just taking my verified mileage total, following a hypothetical route that Forrest could have run: I have (virtually) run from Montgomery, Alabama (Forrest started in the fictional city of Greenbow, so I used Montgomery to estimate distances) to the Santa Monica Pier, all the way across the country to a pier in Maine, back to Montgomery and I'm all the way to Colorado City, Texas (just west of Sweetwater) en route to the Santa Monica Pier again.  I'm not here to boastfully brag about it, but rather to say for someone who thought they'd never run again, for someone who was so depressed that I couldn't get out my front door to WALK TWO EFFING BLOCKS failing 7 days in a row when I promised my buddy Troy I would, well, if I can do all that, then YOU TOO can do ANYTHING.  That doesn't mean running, per se, you can do ANYTHING you dream of doing.  Um, okay, KAMF and Panda, please do NOT act on your dream of actually FLYING, this might not be the best "you can do anything" outcome.

To the rest of you: don't be reasonable about your goals.  Dream BIG.  Like Everest BIG.  Moon BIG.  And don't get overwhelmed by the enormity of it (you will from time to time, but then let the overwhelm go).  Be inspired by something that is so much bigger than you.  This is your one chance at this life, so do something so massive that it inspires so many people, that you suddenly find yourself inspired by yourself.

You can do it.  Now stop READING and do something about it.  Right. NOW.  Even if it's just simply writing that goal or dream down, you know, the one you keep rationalizing is not really possible.  It is.  Make it happen.  I believe in you!


SUCCESS (a poem by Berton Braley*)
If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and your sleep for it,
If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry and cheap for it,
If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,
If gladly you’ll sweat for it, fret for it, plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,
If you’ll simply go after that thing that you want
With all your capacity, strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,
If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain of body or brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,
If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You’ll get it.
            *huge thanks to Jon Clark for that shout out!  Much love, my brutha!

Brian Lhee wrote one of his dreams down, now he's off to ICELAND!

Okay, here goes.  I'm even going to make STEP 1 of this 1,000 mile (or much longer) journey easy on you.  Post a comment (below) with your biggest dream/goal that you're presently either already working on or were previously not willing to admit.  POST it here and release it to the universe.  Because I'm rooting for you.  And I won't be the only one...

#JustPostIt  (yeah, I couldn't help myself there)