Running Love Affair - Runner's Highs, Rituals & the Dreaded DNF

ad·dic·tion
noun
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Unraveling at the Ray Miller 50-miler around Mile 23-ish

Running check: habit forming? Yep.  Psychological and physical? Most definitely.  Like narcotics? Absolutely (endorphins affect the same opioid receptors in the brain as morphine does).  Stopping it causes severe trauma? My last major bout with depression came when I was physically unable to run due to injury for 10-months, and my last few minor low-periods came after a big deal race that I had been anticipating and training towards for many months.

Okay FINE, I'll admit it: I'm an addict.  I've been addicted since the tender young age of 9.  I kicked it a couple of times, I was clean a couple years here, a few years there.  Running wasn't even my first love (baseball was), but damn she's got staying power.  But I'm not here to talk about addiction.  I'm here to talk about one of the things that might cause it... "the runner's high".

I was recently asked to describe runner's high.  And I realized that it's not just a chemical endorphin/adrenaline response to physical discomfort.  Do you ever wonder why you never hear: the cyclist's high, the triathlete's high, the shot putter's high (I'm reaching on that one, I know).  There is a definite unique chemical and physiological response to the impact stresses and breathing patterns of running (especially long distances).  I break the runner's high into 3 categories...

Point where the high WORE OFF...

PHYSICAL RUNNER'S HIGH - this one is pretty simple, if you run far enough, your body breaks down and when fatigued you begin to release more endorphin (or is it endorphins?) into the system. Boom. You feel high.  You suddenly aren't hurting as much anymore. You pick up the pace because you feel good, moments later the chemical high is replaced by physical discomfort yet again.

MENTAL RUNNER'S HIGH - there's a definite high that comes with hard work and the feeling of exhaustion post hard work.  The farther you run, the more difficult the terrain, the more you physically suffered (and maybe even mentally suffered) there's a deep satisfaction afterward.  Said after a recent Octopus run in the Santa Monica Mountains, "that sucked for nearly the entire time, but I feel so good now for some reason."

Photo by Tyler Olson

EMOTIONAL RUNNER'S HIGH - this one is close to the mental runner's high, but is different in a couple ways.  I see the emotional runner's high often tied to an event that carries a lot of hope, like training a long time for a big race.  You invest a lot of emotional energy in training and race prep.  Race day comes.  Some days it IS harder than you imagined yet still everything you strive for comes through (you hit your A-goal, maybe you run a new personal best, place higher than you thought you could).  The high you ride on these days lasts.  You can think back to a race months or even years later and get a little charge of confidence and happiness with that memory recall.  That's the emotional runner's high!

SGV Team In Training circa SD RnR 2004

Once you get high like this, good luck not coming back to it over and over again.  And there are no support groups for runners, other than groups that enable the problem.  The Marathon Maniacs.  Charity Groups like Team In Training.  The SoCal Coyotes.  Shhhhhhhhh...

Another thing that locks in our absolute love affair with running?  Rituals and romance.  It's a romantic sport full of superstition, habitual behaviors and most races are steeped in tradition.  Think about all of the things we do in prep for a big race day: buying a special outfit, laying things out the night before, eating that special meal the night before or morning of, carbo-loading, watching our favorite inspirational movie (*cough*cough* Cinderella Man *cough*cough*).  Running a race again (and again and again) on a certain day, at a certain time of year, it becomes a regular part of our story!  Take the XTERRA Boney Mountain Half Marathon in early January, I've run it 5-years in a row and can't imagine kicking my new year off with any other race!  And it's absolutely destroyed me 2 of the 5 times I've run it, yet I still love it.

There is a downside to this love affair.  Failure.  Actually, it's not failure in and of itself, as there's nothing more positively motivating as missing a race goal or dream by ever so little.  I often tell the story that I trained for FOUR marathons before I RAN my first marathon.  Chicago 2002.  I never start conservatively with goals and dreams, so I figured I'd go "sub-3 hours" in my first crack.  Didn't seem all that unreasonable for someone who had run sub-17 in a 5k (albeit that was in high school, now some 7-years prior).  Hit my mid-mark splits perfectly: 1:29:59 (which, ironically, stood as my half marathon PR through about 5 or 6 half marathons a few years thereafter).  I'll save you the gory details of the pace pack thinning out in the second half and the winds kicking up.  I saw my splits fading like a K-mart beach towel, and with it my sub-3 hopes.  So I resolved to qualify for Boston.  For Boston, back then, I needed 3:10:59.  I finished in 3:11:11 (yes, 12-seconds overall, or 0.45-seconds per mile too slow).  I'm now someone who understands the VALUE of 1-second per mile.  Hell, I understand the value of 1-second every 2 miles and what a difference that could make.

Aside from missing an 'A' or 'B' goal in a race, there's also the dreaded DNF (which is an acronym for 'Did Not Finish' but often in an ultra can represent 'Did Nothing Fatal').  As someone who attempts to aid people in constructing good race day plans/strategies/pace charts, I am a student of my own body and peak performance limits.  Racing is the ultimate test of fitness and ability, there is absolutely no faking through it, especially in the ultra distances from 50-miles and up.  Often, I hear people lament a DNF like it's some mark against one's character, an in-correctable offence against their running reputation.  I have come to feel very differently about the DNF over the years and have a few things to say about it (as I'm fresh off my 3rd career DNF and have found some very interesting consistencies between the 3 failures).  But first, a quote about failure and it's relationship to success...

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
-Winston Churchill

I don't know anyone who would accuse me of having "lost enthusiasm" for running.  There might be a great number of people who wish I would lose some enthusiasm.  I'm a blow-hard and a jack-ass.  In fact, I might just be the Johnny Knoxville of the running world (regularly accepting stupid dares to prove some incomprehensible nonsense to someone).  Yet, I digress.

A couple weeks ago I achieved my 3rd DNF of my running career.  I have completed 24-of-27 ultra distance races, ranging from 50k to 135-miles of varying difficulty, terrain and conditions.  An interesting commonality about the 3 races I failed to finish: ALL three were my second time running each of those events.  As a matter of fact, looking back at my recent history of races repeated at almost any distance, there is a somewhat clear cut 'Sophomore Jinx'.

F- Angeles Crest 100-miler 2006 = FINISH in 26:27
S- Angeles Crest 100-miler 2007 = DNF at Mile 49
T- Angeles Crest 100-miler 2011 = 23:51*
    *third time's a charm / third time's a CR

F- Oil Creek 100-miler 2009 = FINISH in 21:17 (4th overall)
S- Oil Creek 100-miler 2010 = DNF at Mile 76
T- Oil Creek 100-miler 201_? = TBD*

F- Ray Miller 50-miler 2012 = FINISH in 8:08 (5th overall)
S- Ray Miller 50-miler 2013 = DNF at Mile 28
T- Ray Miller 50-miler 2014 = TBD*

A deeper examination of the Sophomore Jinx in my racing...

F- Bulldog 50k 2008 = 4:27
S- Bulldog 50k 2009 = 4:29

F- Boney Mountain Half 2009 = 1:46
S- Boney Mountain Half 2010 = 1:51
T- Boney Mountain Half 2011 = 1:41*

F- Miwok 100k 2009 = 10:13
S- Miwok 100k 2010 = 10:19
T- Miwok 100k 2011 = 9:45*

F- Topanga Turkey Trot 2009 = 1:07 (4th overall)
S- Topanga Turkey Trot 2010 = 1:10

F- XTERRA Pt Mugu 2010 = 1:16 (2nd overall)
S- XTERRA Pt Mugu 2012 = 1:25

F- LA Marathon 2011 = 2:56
S- LA Marathon 2012 = 3:01
T- LA Marathon 2013 = TBD*

The ONLY race I can honestly remember improving upon in the last 10 tries to do so is the Rio Del Lago 100-miler, where I shaved about 20-minutes and 1-position overall on my sophomore effort, and the primary reason was I was really focused on my previous two sophomore DNF's at the 100-mile distance.

Why this somewhat predictable trend?  In most cases, I was pretty happy/satisfied with my rookie efforts at those races listed.  I came back determined to do better.  More fit, race ready, mentally sharp.  But then I became someone focused on exerting my will upon the course/mountain (with the obvious exception of the Los Angeles Marathon... no mountains there).  Instead of a trail runner's creed of "take what I'm given" I got greedy and tried to take what I wanted, what I felt I deserved, what I thought my hard work had entitled me to achieve.  I didn't work with the course, I fought against it.  Instead of flowing, I was battling.  The mentality is hugely different.  This past Ray Miller 50 I could explain all sorts of factors that could have been likely contributors to my epic failure, but really, they read like a list of excuses.  The bottom line is I most often go into a long race humble and patient, let the course and miles come to me instead of trying to take them on.  My sophomore efforts I take much for granted, I hard-charge in search of a few less minutes overall and expend excessive precious energy prematurely.  My love for improvement (and at times, the physical suffering that leads to the chemical response) leads to my downfall.

I'm grateful for my failures, as they've become my greatest teachers.  Yours can too, IF you dare to fail.  Some of us have trouble putting ourselves in a position to truly fail.  Yeah, it sucks for a little bit (I was pretty down on myself for about a week after Ray Miller, as I had been looking forward to it for the better part of 11-months), but I'm over it now.  Excited to train again.  With a 3rd crack at the LA Marathon in March and a rookie shot at the Mt Fuji 100-miler in April, I don't have to face my Sophomore Jinx again anytime soon.  But looking at that race mentality of "humble and patient" VS "aggressive and battle ready" will help, tremendously.  Hopefully I can remember that when seeking my 3rd consecutive silver buckle at Angeles Crest in August too.

I almost spoke too soon: I am headed back to the Lake Tahoe Super Triple in late-September, a sophomore effort where the only way I can improve is to win the race and establish a new course record (with the other 2 course record holders competing as well).  Oh boy.  This love affair could end poorly.

Starting off conservatively on Leg 2 of 3 at the Tahoe Super Triple last September

A COUPLE OF FRIENDS WHO ALSO BLOGGED ABOUT CEREMONIES, RITUALS & ROMANCE...
Mac Smith's Wishing You a Happy Valentine's Day... Or NOT?
Krissy Moehl's Thoughtfulness Trumps Going-Thru-The-Motions


What are some things YOU love about running?  What are some rituals, routines and obsessions you have?  Comment below if you feel so inclined!

The Lost Art of Respect - Lessons from the Samurai - SYNCRO-BLOG

SYNCRO-BLOG - to see many more perspectives & viewpoints on this topic, scroll to the bottom of this post for some more awesome writers' BLOG links.  Comment to share some of YOUR personal experience with "Random Acts of Kindness/Respect" or ideas about how to revitalize common courtesy...


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"Chivalry is DEAD..."

Another related statement with slightly different context:

"Common courtesy is uncommon."

You've heard these, you've read these and maybe you've even experienced these concepts over the last 1-2 decades.  While there are many theories on it, I'm not so interested in exploring what happened or even why it happened, but rather, "what can we collectively do about it (that would make a tangible difference) now?"

As is often a theme with some of my life-philosophy, I borrow (see: steal/plagiarize) from ancient Japanese wisdom.  More specifically, I take a few pages from the moral/ethical Code of the Samurai, otherwise known as "the Bushido".

The basic tenants of the Bushido Code are as follows: 
Rectitude - integrity
Courage - bravery, not to be confused with fearlessness
Benevolence - kindness
Politeness - good manners
Veracity - sincerity
Honor - to hold in high respect
Loyalty - faithfulness to commitments
Self-Control - restraint, often of one's feelings

Books have been written to explore the whole lifestyle and code of the samurai, most notably Bushido: The Soul of Japan by Inazo Nitobe, so if you want to explore the Bushido more, you have some resources. Even one of my favorite films: the Last Samurai (sorry, Chan-Chan, had to include a Tom Cruise reference there) deals with the modernization of society and the dying of old ideals/standards.

Singing, but NOT about respect with strangers.

I'm going to look at our daily person-to-person interactions for a moment, and focus on the points of benevolence, politeness, honor and touch on courage.  The lost art of respect.  Now I'm not talking R-E-S-P-E-C-T as Aretha sang about.  In case you've been singing that song in karaoke (ladies) totally misinterpreting it's meaning, Ms. Franklin was talking about getting laid when her man gets home ("takin' care... TCB" = takin' care of business and I hope I don't need to explain her "sock it to me" reference). But I digress...

I witnessed this last year: I walked out of my favorite coffee shop (Peet's Coffee in Brentwood, yeah, OJ's Brentwood) and there was a car broken down at a stop light.  The driver door was open, hazard-lights on, driver nowhere to be seen.  The signal turned a couple times, as I surveyed both sides of the street looking for some poor individual on their cell phone calling AAA for a tow.  One or two cars got stuck behind this vehicle as others wouldn't let them out/around because they (themselves) were in a hurry to get to where they were going on a busy morning commute.  Within about 5-minutes, a lady walked out of my beloved Peet's, coffee in hand, crossed the street, stepped into the "broken down vehicle" turned the hazards off, shut her door and drove onward to her destination.  Consider me floored.  My levels of expanding shock to the conversely elevated levels of entitlement and indifference.  I wracked my brain for what could have possibly motivated this behavior: "CRAP, NO PARKING, I'm LATE again, I NEED my coffee, ahhhh F#$K it, I'll just throw it in park here, it's only gonna take 90-seconds..."

This type of behavior has become more and more prevalent.  People holding a cell phone conversation while apologizing to the person they are on the phone with as they order coffee at this same spot (it would be easy for you to say, "typical LA problem" but I challenge you to look for examples close to home).  Everybody is super-busy, in a hurry, stressed out and reduced to the lowest level state of being (a coma or 'brain death' where no conscious thought is present) and all one can do is deal with their own, individual, selfish needs/wants in the present moment with no care or concern for how it shall impact so-called strangers.  The domino effect on the day/experience of others is profound.

Sometimes 'Doing the Right Thing' = Respect

Turn this around for a moment and consider the random act of kindness (a form of ultimate respect towards someone you don't know): you are having a pretty horrific day. Who knows, flat tire, you lost a big sale/account at work, got in a fight with your closest loved one and are looking at the world like it's raining adversity on you maliciously and intentionally.  "WHY ME!?" you cry to yourself.  Then, someone in the grocery store lets you in front of them in line, or sees you coming to a door with your hands full and they hold the door open for you.  Something little, so simple, and it can begin to turn a day around (or at least change your doom-and-gloom perspective).  Practicing random acts of kindness: paying it forward, can pay big dividends.  Think of when you've done something like this (I know you ALL have, or you wouldn't have been attracted to THIS post/topic), it made you feel really good.  Maybe the person smiled and gave you the most sincere "thank you" you had heard in a while?  But that wasn't the point.  You eased someone else's journey.  You paid them honor and respect.

There are quite a few levels and layers to this game I am about to invite you to play.  Different challenges with increasing levels of difficulty.  The game is to bring an increased level of respect to your interactions with other human beings, both near-and-dear to you and sometimes even more importantly, to random strangers.  If I haven't lost you yet, read on...

These levels are set in increasing difficulty scales (and are from my own dynamically subjective opinion)...

FIRST LEVEL - treat your significant other (see also: boyfriend/girlfriend) with kindness, generosity and respect (when things are happy/good)

SECOND LEVEL - extend this treatment to your close friends and family

THIRD LEVEL - add co-workers and people you see most days of the week (yeah, the coffee barista who makes your same latte each and every day)

FOURTH LEVEL - add random anonymous strangers

FIFTH LEVEL - add random anonymous strangers who are publicly disrespecting others (the self-important dude having a cell phone conversation in line in front of you)

WWMGD? - Okay, maybe a poor example...

SIXTH LEVEL - add the random anonymous stranger who is being rude to you, quite directly

SEVENTH LEVEL - add your significant other when they are having a bad day and are taking it out on you and estranged family members you've had a falling out with

EIGHTH LEVEL - RESPECT YOURSELF: who you are, who you aren't, and who you intend to be

NINTH LEVEL - respect the disrespectful Prius owner (you might have to live in Santa Monica to get this joke)

I take pride in being really good at levels 1-4.  But when others get nasty with me or treat other's poorly, this is when I gotta bring this practice/game into full swing.  There are a few different strategies to try here...

Most people don't want to intrude when someone is on their cell phone and let the person steamroll their interactions through the coffee shop.  But if there were a CULTURE for respect (which has to start somewhere, with someone taking a stand), you could tap them on the shoulder and say, "hey, it would be pretty awesome if you continued that conversation after your order OR stepped outside until you're finished" and smiled (genuinely).  Sometimes the person will do/say something hideous back, but in 90% of these interactions, you'll get the peanut gallery (others in line with you) that will chime in with an "amen" or "yeah, please sir" responses.  This is where COURAGE factors into practicing respect.  Taking a stand for propriety is more than just refraining from being a part of the problem, it is being an active participant in the solution.

Alternatively, when someone swoops in on a parking space you were waiting for, cuts you off in traffic, sneaks in front of you in the line at a deli, these are all opportunities to be polite (and let them know YOU KNOW, and it's okay).  I know, your "but that a-hole took advantage of me" voice is going crazy right now.  This challenge is one of the hardest things in the world to practice.  But it's worth it.  Maybe NOT for the stranger you feel took advantage of the situation, but the people around you who didn't have to experience you flying off the handle with road-rage over having to look for a parking space for 5-more minutes.  Respect, when practiced fully, brings more calm and peace to you and you'll be able to perpetuate and pass on that loving, kind energy to others more freely.

Take the high road.

Don't take my word for it.  I invite you to experience it for yourself.  Then come back to me and say I'm crazy, it didn't work.  I dare you...

"I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... all I ask is that you respect me as a human being."
-Jackie Robinson





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Some of my other favorite bloggers' posts on this same topic:

Katie DeSplinter Muses on Social Media vs Social Respectability
Jennifer Benna Ups Her Level of Motherly Self-Respect
Olga Varlamova-King Values Other's Points of View and Respects Herself
Liza Howard Respects Her Commitment to the Moment


BONUS! - One more (randomly discovered) piece on Chivalry and Good Manners by Lauren Bravo from the Huffington Post (UK).




Comment below and let me know your thoughts on this topic!

One's Truest Freedom - Breaking the Chains of our Past, Creation of the New Story - SYNCRO-BLOG

This post is a part of a "Syncro-Blog" which is one-topic, multiple perspectives on it by a couple/few different bloggers.  You can find links to these other perspectives at the bottom of this post.  I also invite you to post your thoughts, comments and ideas (if you're so inclined) when you're done reading this (if you make it to the end)...

Photo by Gareth Mackay

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space."
-Johnny Cash


My life is the way it is today because I've broken free of the constraints that my past history used to impose on me.  Let me back that out a moment: I am ALIVE today because I broke free of my past.

In another time (now over a decade ago) my life was a life lived in fear of people knowing my past, judging and maybe even condemning me for it. In a world quick to label and categorize (in an attempt to understand something), many are also quick to write off and give up on something (or someone).

Mary (my baby sis), Sarah (my big sis) and yours truly...

I was 11 or 12 when the proverbial $#!^ hit the fan in my happy childhood.  Up to maybe the age of 10 or so, my family unit was not only intact, but I enjoyed the carefree upper-middle-class living of suburbia.  I had (and still have) two amazing sisters book-ending me, and my parents were both physically healthy and emotionally happy people.  We lived in the 5-bedroom home in a nice neighborhood.  We all played sports (which were supported by, coached and attended by both our parents).  We had a couple dogs.  Sandbox and backyard, check.  Beautiful parks to run, play and explore all close and well maintained, check. It was a little too good to be true.  Without going into now unimportant details of the demise of my family, my parents divorced after a couple ugly years of bickering, fighting, and the loss of love/respect for each other.

 

My parents' divorce hit me like a ton of bricks.  My enthusiasm for school fizzled (I was at one point achieving high marks).  I withdrew.  I became depressed and finally, after one big ugly fight with my baby sis, I was cornered into a "new" family discussion with my mom and her then boyfriend/fiancee. I was stubborn then, too, and I left the discussion by running to a nearby creek to think and blow off steam.  I came home to a squad car in the driveway and a police officer intent on bullying me into 'parental submission.'  I wouldn't cave (this stubbornness has gone on to serve me well racing 100-mile mountain runs), but I had no respite to escape to this time, so I locked myself in the bathroom.  The situation escalated quickly.  I made one threat to get the cop to leave and they deemed it "suicidal tendencies" and the next thing I knew I was in a hospital, facing two of the most condescending psychologists/therapists I've ever had experience with. Again, too stubborn for my own good, I wouldn't cooperate with their attempts to manipulate me into conversation. After a cryptic exchange with my mom, I had the intuitive realization that I was in lock-down and made a break for it.  The 40-meter hall seemed longer than a mile.  My mom walked out the double doors as they closed (and latched) at the very moment I got to them.  I was shattered. LOCKED IN and abandoned. My world went from the perfect little childhood to unimaginable emotional pain. This event sealed the deal. I could tell you more about the therapy, the group sessions, watching the failed escape attempts of others, but you've all seen enough reality TV and good psychological thriller films to have a fair idea of what happens in these places. I have come to firmly believe that they aren't places for people to "get well" but rather, a place to house, catalog and care for those who are beyond sick. The quicker you can adapt and get out, the better chance you have to make it (statistically speaking). I got out in about 3-weeks.  I was only 12. The next youngest patients were 16 and 17. From that point forward, I possessed a heightened consciousness. Something developed to protect me from that type of hurt and betrayal. I was connected and detached at the same time. I became an old soul (as some have gone on to describe it). Time moved forward...

Oh boy... this is awkward.

Junior High is a tough place. You have all these girls going from awkward children to the middle phase. They suddenly have boobs and hips, they've shot up generally as tall as they're going to get (prior to boys doing the same) and they're chalk full of hormones.  Adolescent boys have it NO easier. Most are short and gawky, half of us had braces and we suddenly want to have a girlfriend (for acceptance/love and other things our bodies are chemically driving us towards).  It's hard enough to go from childhood to adulthood in that middle cocoon phase.  I was now different. Yeah, Margaret Mead said it best, "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."  But middle school and high school become more about fitting in and learning to be likable based on our deep-seated fear of rejection and being alone/abandoned.  I had two things pulling me apart now: the fear of (repeated) rejection/abandonment and the need to protect myself from even being at risk of that.  This is where I believe my over-the-top personality blossomed.

Friends from elementary school gave me the ever so charming nickname of "psycho-friend" and they even had a song they sang to go along with it. I was the only person I knew (aside from the people I was in the institution with) that had been labeled depressed and/or mentally ill. I knew I would be looked at as different from there forward. So a part of me (as a 12-13 year old) literally made up this idea, "fine, if I'm gonna be different, then I'll be really, intentionally different!"  They called me crazy! So I became the crazy kid who'd accept ANY dare. You name it.  I was a prime cut Fear Factor participant and Jackass daredevil before those shows had even been a pitched idea (I was in middle school in 1989-1990, Jackass started in 2000 & Fear Factor in 2001). I'd eat weird stuff on dares (apparently I haven't grown out of this, yet), jump off of cliffs/houses/boats into water far below, even go streaking in various places (again, haven't matured beyond these behaviors, yet).  But as I moved from middle to high school, went to summer camps, and would meet new people I'd be terrified that they'd "find me out" and not want to be around me anymore. It was a constant and all consuming fear.

Facing one of my biggest fears: the BADWATER 135

Fear will always be a part of our lives. In many ways, it can actually be positive and healthy. But there are times and areas that fear crosses over the line and becomes something counter-productive to living the lives we dream of living.  For some of you kids old enough to remember the film Dune (or the amazing book that preceded it), the Bene Gesserit (an exclusive sisterhood who trained their bodies and minds through years of physical and mental conditioning) had a mantra:

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

I lost a bet. OR did I???

Now, I'm not a part of this sisterhood. I do, however, happen to have a pretty powerful relationship to my fear.  I am still afraid of so much (people mistake me for being fearless, whereas I know myself to be full of fear but I act in the face of that fear).  Freedom from fear (in one's life) doesn't mean fear-FREE, but rather, developing an acute inner dialog around fear and choosing which fear to hold on to and which fear to permit to "pass over [you] and through [you]."  This, my friends, is called being courageous.  Courage is roughly defined as the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear (defining what you do / act upon).  Courage is a practice, not a genetic predisposition. Many times we relate to people as they either are (born) courageous beings or they are (always) cowards. Think of courage like you do fitness. If you work the muscles consistently and patiently, you become stronger. If you face some small fears and over-come them, you'll consistently be able to face bigger and more deep-seated fears. Eventually, you'll tackle the doozy in your life.  The biggest skeleton in your closet. Then you will be fully experiencing (think of Braveheart screaming here)... FREEDOM!!!!

Somewhere in my adult life, early to mid-20's, I realized I was living someone else's life.  I wasn't happy.  I was afraid to live, afraid to step out into the unknown and chase down my dreams.  I realized I didn't share with many who I truly wanted to be, I hid from my past (institutionalization) and had things I had wanted to do for 5 or more years that I had taken NO actions towards.  Here's an interesting list for you:

*I wanted to move to Los Angeles from Northern California (the San Francisco Bay Area), and had talked about it for over 5 years.
*I wanted to run a marathon (my first, as my longest race distance prior had been the 12k SF Bay to Breakers).
*I wanted to be in a relationship with the girl of my dreams (I had been in 3 or 4 relationships longer than 1 year, and one was 4+ years in two different pieces).

1st hundo - "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

In hindsight, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. I had purchased many self-help books. I reached out to many friends who had taken bold steps towards their dreams.  My then ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend Mike was a key turning point.  He was enrolled in a course called... wait for it... "the Wisdom Course" put on by Landmark Education.  Mike was one of the wisest dudes I had met (especially considering we were both in our 20's at the time), and he's since gone on to become a very successful, sought after motivational and keynote speaker, as well as a successful author.  After a chat over a beer with Mike, I enrolled in a course called the Landmark Forum and discovered a lot about my fear.

Now you know why I love ZOOLANDER so much?

In my early-to-mid-20's transition, I challenged myself to face my fear on every possible level. It started with owning my past. I can't EVER change that I've been in lock-down psychiatric care (nor can I change that I was a "male-model" *doing best BLUE STEEL impression now*). But I hide from it no longer.  I still have tendencies that at times throw me into a depressive funk.  I now know how (and when) to reach out for help (although even now it's still HARD to reach out for that help).  It's been 24-years (two-thirds of my lifetime) since I was in lock-down.  It's been nearly 5 years since my last therapy session (I've gone to individual and couple's therapy on-and-off for some 20-years).  I talk openly and honestly about my past mistakes, the things I used to be ashamed of.  An interesting thing has opened up too... the things I used to fear judgment on, I now INVITE judgment.  Sharing my history has become a way to weed out people I don't see as "high quality" individuals who will push and challenge me to be better.  Those that are quick to judge/condemn remove themselves rather swiftly from my life. They're doing me a favor!  The people that have stuck around are the most forgiving, open, kind and compassionate people I've ever known.  I can learn from their love, friendship and generosity.

Trusting the universe (and this elephant) fully.

I have become who I am today (and I continue to work to evolve towards being a little bit better every day) based on those whom I have surrounded myself with.  We are, ultimately, a product of our immediate environment and YOU get to choose who to spend time with, who you invest love/attention in, and who's ideas and philosophies you'll embrace and perpetuate.  YOU get to choose.  In communicating my story (yes, many of you have been the victim's of me over-talking and over-communicating my stories), I have been freed of fear's shackled existence. I'm running free now and I am able to extend my hand to invite those I love to be free with me. Experience the joy on the other side of fear. It starts with jumping off the cliff, while the water may be cold at first, the time in the air and rush of cold water (and adrenaline) is exhilarating and liberating.  It starts with the simple act of loving and owning your own unique story...

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare. It is because we do not dare that they are difficult."
-Seneca


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Post a COMMENT if you enjoyed this blog (and I also invite you to post your thoughts if you offer any alternative viewpoints too)!

Found below are some other people I adore and their unique perspectives on this topic:
*Katie DeSplinter's Brain Used To Hate Her
*Nathan Coury's Heart On His Sleeve
*Ashley Walsh's Why You Front'n?

 

Pandora's Race - the Danger of Signing Up for a 100-Mile Trail Run - SYNCRO-BLOG

*I invite your unique take/perspective on this post/topic in the comments! Have something to share, comment on or respond to?  I'd love to hear what you think at the end of this post!


PANDORA'S RACE - 100 Miles Closer to My True Self
On a solo run a couple times over the last two weeks, I thought to myself how early December every year since 2005, I've thought about what 100-miler(s) awaited me the following year.  It all started with Western States, as did many an ultra-runner's story. I had heard that people ran 100-miles, straight through, over mountain ranges.  I initially dismissed it as an insane misunderstanding. Then I saw an article in a running magazine (I believe it was Marathon & Beyond) likening the 100-mile run to a 100-year life-cycle, quite metaphorically.  While I was intrigued, I still wondered WHY anyone would knowingly put themselves through such an intentional physical suffering.  It didn't take long until my one major running goal (to qualify for and run the Boston Marathon) was no longer my goal, and it was time to set my sights on something new, and raise the bar on the challenge.

The olden days when Western States "auto entries" due to 2-time loser status still existed...

Pandora's Race, is what I now call it.  The race I can never again close the box on.  There are things I know now that I may have never discovered in quite the way the mountain 100-miler taught them to me.  I'm here to talk to you, both the newbie (who's never before run 100-miles straight) and the veteran (who's run 1, 10 or dozens of these things) about the inherent "danger" of signing up for the hundo...

I'm not even quite sure what position I'm taking in this opinion piece: don't sign up for 100-mile runs OR every runner should experience this?  I have solid reasons to tell you not to jump off this cliff.  I have many reasons why I am glad I did it.  So I guess I will give you the Yin&Yang and at least feel better that I did all I could to ed-u-ma-kate you prior to leading you to certain doom.

"Finished" at the Angeles Crest 100 2012, both literally and figuratively

DON'T EFFEN DO IT
As with anything deemed cool in the court of public opinion, this type of event has a considerable amount of hype.  No matter how hyped you are, running 5-miles is a long way, running 5-miles 20-times in a row is extreme and excessive.  Isn't running 5-miles 5-times per week for 4-weeks enough?  Most doctors will tell you that many health benefits can be achieved with 25-35 miles per week of running (said in another way: 45-min to an hour of exercise a day with a couple of days off).  Many runners training for any 50-miler to 100-miler soon learn the pain of overuse and muscular imbalances.  It's almost a 50-50 coin-flip that you'll have some major aches & pains in training up to a hundo.  Sure, we all read the blogs of those elite runners and some coaches who seem to never be injured, but as someone who has seen nearly 1,000 first time marathoners cross the line (and has worked on coaching committees and organizing groups for both USATF & Team In Training, injury numbers for most marathon programs is around 1/3rd).  So, if we're doing this to improve our health & fitness, then why do it to such extreme excess?  I spent 2006-2011 trying to talk anyone and everyone who came to me to say, "I want to run 100 miles" out of that silly idea. Call me a hypocrite. I knew I was addicted (and still very much am). Endorphin's and morphine effect the same opiod receptors in the brain.  Try asking a morphine addict how easy that addiction was to kick sometime.  Some other aspects of 100's you better warm up to: boredom, pain unlike any you've experienced, sacrifice including lack of adequate sleep.  Some in your life may turn dismissive, calling you crazy, stupid and the worst-of-all barbs: "supremely selfish". Sounds lovely, right?  It's harder than they say, and all I ever heard was "it was the hardest thing I've ever done."  That last statement undersells it.

THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE

Kate Martini Freeman and her merry maids

So, that last statement isn't entirely true.  I have done many things better than running 100-miles in a single shot.  I married my Kate.  I adopted Spirit.  I still value and cherish running alongside my baby sis in her first marathon, my big sis in her favorite half marathon and my bro-in-law Stan in his first ultra and first two hundos MORE than my own personal finishes.  I get a lot more out of helping others achieve than doing it myself.  That said, attempting to run (note: I said attempting to run, NOT "finishing") 100 miles is one of the best things I've ever done.  There are a few things it has deepened and developed in me, things I still certainly lack but qualities I wish to perpetually improve.  I have infinitely more patience (with people, with life situations and myself), I am able to put things in perspective in new ways attempting to maintain some sort of Zen in highly stressful situations, and interestingly enough I am able to take heavy-handed criticism from people close to me without spiraling into self-loathing (a problem from my past).  That's come from the crucible of pain of both training and race day.  I wonder whether I have become a better 100-mile runner as I have applied the principles of my life to racing these distances OR if I've become better at my life by applying the principles of 100-mile racing to my day to day living.  A few things I've picked up...

1. RFM - Relentless Forward Motion means never stop moving forward, until and unless you discover you've made a wrong turn.
2. WCIDRN - What Can I Do Right NOW in order to improve my situation? We often take too big a view on things like "I still have 71-miles to go" when really all we need to do is focus on the present moment to improve the big picture.
3. It ain't about the FINISH line.  Why are we always in a rush to be done?  We're not trying to be dead immediately, right?  So enjoy the journey, each step along the way, the unique views and perspective of the mountain peaks AND valley floors.  And if you enjoy the whole process and the journey itself, the finish line is even sweeter when it comes.

If you find yourself attracted to running (your first) 100 mile trail run, go back and reread my "DON'T EFFEN DO IT" paragraph again, because I've changed my mind.  In the meantime, I've gone and signed up for THREE 100's next year.  I hope to see you on the starting line next to me...

Running myself down, into another valley...

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt


AMAZING SYNCRO-BLOGGERS ON THIS TOPIC
Katie DeSplinter - http://bit.ly/Xz3cDe
Jen Benna - http://bit.ly/TJMleG
Dominic Grossman - http://bit.ly/TOYFXJ
Amy Sprotson - http://bit.ly/RHsihE

Huge thanks to Katie, Jen, Dom and Amy for throwing their awesome ideas, opinions and perspective into the mix!