Overcome Your Biggest Fears - Commitment vs Fear Exercise

"The hero is no braver than an ordinary man - but he is brave five minutes longer."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

More than a decade ago (1996-2000 time frame), I was consumed by my fear of things not turning out in my life.  I was hesitant, apprehensive, and worrisome.  I had been telling myself for 5 years that I would make the move from the San Francisco Bay Area to Los Angeles, and hoped I'd run a marathon someday (yes, my first marathon).  I was also in a holding pattern in my romantic relationships.  One day I woke up sick and tired of being stopped by my fear.  Not long after having these thoughts 9/11/01 happened providing me a defining moment of courage.  Sometime between then and now, many people started relating to me as fearless.  That perception couldn't be further from the truth, as I am as terrified as I always was.

Sometimes fear seems so much bigger than we are.

So, an ostrich walks into a bar...

While I am indeed someone who routinely runs extreme mountain and desert races, I took a 6 year turn as a stand up comic (not that I was ever really funny), married the girl of my dreams after 7 years of trying to convince her I was the guy of her dreams (I guess I'm still trying to convince her), and I willingly get up in front of large groups of strangers to give speeches (check out this awesome USA Today Money article on taming public speaking fears), the one thing that is a constant is that I am still very much afraid.

I fear failing at the things most important to me.  I fear people not liking me.  I fear those not liking me being vocal in their disapproval (the cliche unhappy cool kids at school talking behind your back in a mean spirited way).  I fear trying to inspire people (and having them walk away uninspired).  I fear being judged (harshly).  I fear running 100 miles (and not finishing or worse, walking away not able to run due to injury).  I fear the failure of my relationship.  I fear sadness, due to my past battles with depression.  I have a lot more to lose today than I did in the late 90's and early 2000's.  Being older (maybe wiser) I understand the consequences of my actions (and not following through on things).  I feel the emotional impact of letting people down a lot deeper than before.  My anxiousness and fears have only escalated.

The very serpent that helped me overcome my fear of snakes in 2006.

I turned a corner in my life in late 2000, where I realized that there may be no place where I feel more alive, than when confronting my greatest fears, and when facing my darkest demons. When facing one's fear, there arises a sense of power you can not experience while armchair quarterbacking your favorite reality TV show. When you are out in life doing (rather than thinking about doing) you are experiencing life real time, you are more present, more alive and turned on, plugged in and vital. This, my friends, is what life could be about.  It is what I've made my life about.

It took me years to learn the tough lessons of what ignoring my fear (especially of failure) creates in my life.  I still experience breakthroughs in this area from time to time.  Last Sunday was another example of this for me.  It's interesting how having your life flash before your eyes brings crystal clarity about what's important to you and how precious and fragile life really is.  It can all change in a second.  A single moment can bring us to our knees.

Together 12 years, married for 5 so far!

What fear is presently holding you back? Are you not asking for a promotion? Are you wanting to switch jobs or even careers?  Are you not signing up for your dream race (the one that terrifies you)? Are you not telling a special friend how you really feel about them? Are you not taking calculated risks towards what your soul desires, what you crave to feel fully alive???

**Imagine me shaking you by the shoulders right now, SHAKING YOU VIGOROUSLY**

WAKE UP, MY FRIEND!!! Your life is right now, today, happening this very moment. Why are you wasting it empowering your fears!?!?

I have a little game I remind myself of when I realize I've become complacent.  Sometimes I over think and rationalize my inaction.  It is a simple mental reframing of commitment vs fear.  We are either more committed to what we want to create in life, or we are hiding behind our fear.  It's an either or thing.  There comes an aha moment when you realize that overcoming our fear doesn't mean being fearless, as courage is really defined by acting in the face of our greatest fears.  The larger and deeper the fear runs, the more courageous the act.  We all have more courage than we can possibly imagine.

So, are you going to be committed to your dreams and desires, or will you empower your fears?  The choice seems simple, but only action solidifies that commitment.

"There are those of us who are always about to live. We are waiting until things change, until there is more time, until we are less tired, until we get a promotion, until we settle down / until, until, until. It always seems as if there is some major event that must occur in our lives before we begin living."
-George Sheehan


I invite you to do something today that scares you.  Yes, even that very thing you've been avoiding.  The thing you are hiding out from.  Life is shorter than we relate to it being.  Fear puts the soul to sleep, except when we are facing it.  If you're reading this, I love you. I believe in you.  It will feel really good to no longer be captive to that fear.  Do it.  Come on, you can, I promise you can.

Now go take on some dragons.

Each accomplishment  is merely the starting point of another dream.

Meeting My Maker on a Sunday Night - My Aron Ralston Near Miss

"The word adventure has gotten overused. For me, when everything goes wrong, that’s when adventure starts."

-Yvon Chouinard

I am so glad you are reading this blog entry.  Let me rephrase that, I am so glad I am sitting at my computer on a Monday and am not presently buried beneath dense foliage in a ravine with a broken leg, or worse.  It was a rough night, last night...

NOT A THROUGH TRAIL - that sign is for other people... not for me!

I've been running my whole life.  I have come to develop an identity problem which is to say, I can't imagine myself not running.  I can't even imagine identifying as something else.  My wife Kate is struggling with that identity challenge right now (she broke her right leg and had surgery in November), and I'm doing all I can to support her emotionally and physically through it (stopping just short of running way less myself so she's not confronted by that reality).  It is one of the greatest challenges we've yet faced as a couple.  Sometimes we're both worn down emotionally, and we get into a fight over absolutely nothing (bear with me, this sets something else up).  We have recently fought over navigation, missing part of a hockey game, leaving the house on time, and an online GoPro order.  Seriously folks, these fights might have had a deep undercurrent of something else, but they were fights about absolutely nothing of substance.  Nothing essential, nor important.  The last two fights we had were back-to-back nights (Friday & Saturday) and combine with that my not running nor working out since Thursday, come Sunday I was in a bad, overly emotional, and mentally dark place.

So I went out for a run Sunday mid afternoon.  I didn't know how far or for how long I'd be gone, but I knew I needed something long to clear my head.

Backbone Trail selfie, almost one of my last photos...

***FLASHBACK***

Last bit of sunlight fades away... this is getting interesting.

It's around 4:45pm, Sunday, January 12, 2014.  The sun has long since disappeared over Temescal Ridge & Cathedral Rock, and I'm buried in a canyon in the Santa Monica Mountains, part of the north splintering of Rustic Canyon.  I have taken a horribly wrong turn.  Wandering up a creek bed I thought was part of the old (and heavily overgrown) Bay Tree Trail, I got stuck where landslides have boxed the creek in, so I start to climb out & around it.  I find myself on the side of a crumbling rocky hillside utilizing plants & branches to not fall down the steep slope.  At one point, every brittle, dry piece of chaparral is breaking off in my hands, no matter how thick or deeply rooted it seemed.  The rock starts to crumble under my trail shoes and I notice that there's nothing to catch my fall before about a 4-story (60 foot?) drop into the rocky creek bed below.  Looking off into the distance, I'm probably 3/4's of a mile from any real trail.  I don't have my cell phone.  I don't have a light.  Nobody knows where I am.  "Genius, Jimmy! Absolute genius,"  I say to myself.  My last bit of ambient daylight is fading like a K-mart beach towel.  I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  I must start carefully calculating every movement, and at the same time, if I stay in the same spot too long, the hill will crumble beneath my 180+ lbs. and give way to big air.  I force myself to keep moving and mentally brace myself for the worst.

Trying not to achieve a similar fate, unsettling at best.

Thankfully, I'm not panicking, but I am acutely aware that if I fall, I'm very likely going to be too injured to crawl out, in a place inhabited by at least one mountain lion (I've discovered lion scat and deer skat on the game trail I'm now crawling up to get to the ridge).  After crawling sideways and upwards for at least 45 minutes, breaking branches to climb towards the ridge line, I end up in a clearing (relief).  With two large sets of bones (relief just left the building).

"When I've lost my way or when I am confused about a path to take, I remember that most answers I need I already possess – deep inside. I am naturally creative, resourceful and whole. If I consult my invisible compass, I’ll know what to do."

-Steve Goodier

Estimated route = GREEN / Incidents = YELLOW

The sun is now gone but atop this ridge I'm getting a little light from a relatively full moon (full moon is 3 days later).  I start to realize crawling through this game trail at dusk (in darkness) probably isn't a great strategy anymore.  I can see the lights of the San Fernando Valley about 1.5 to 2 miles to the north, but would have to drop into another canyon/ravine to get there.  I resolve to keep climbing and to stay standing as much as I can to avoid looking like the prey of a cougar.  I climb through multiple brier patches and stop occasionally to pick a half dozen to dozen thorns out of my hands.  I'm still not panicking, but I'm wondering if I should hunker down and wait for daylight.  I have half a bottle of water left, a 200 calorie granola bar, and my legs are starting to cramp from the fatigue of forcefully climbing through (and over) dense vegetation.  After what seems like 2 hours, but is probably in reality 75-90 minutes of dusk, I reach the ridge line above Fire Road 30 (a single track trail we jokingly call Flyer Road 30), one of my favorite lesser known paths in the Santa Monica Mountains.  I am overcome with emotion.  Not really joy, but rather, a profound relief that I'm not hurt, and I'm not spending the night facing the fears I was just crawling out of a canyon with.  I dump the rocks and dirt out of both shoes and start to piece together how I'm going to get home.  At the very least, I feel safe again.
***END FLASHBACK***

First photo after crawling out of the unknown.

Looking homeless, dirty, cut & bruised.

I have always had a rule to not drink when I'm upset, angry or depressed.  I have a new rule now to not go trail exploring when in that same space.  When I went running yesterday, I didn't know where I was going to go.  I didn't know for how long, nor how far I was going to run.  As I ran up Sullivan Ridge, I made up my mind to do a loop that dropped into Murphy's Ranch, climbed J-Drop then the section of the Backbone Trail known as Rogers Road, take Temescal Ridge to the Hub Junction, drop down Fire Road 30 to Bent Arrow connecting to Dirt Mulholland, then run that to Sullivan Ridge, and drop back down to my car.  I estimate this loop to be something between 15-18 miles.  When I reached the upper part of Rogers Road, there's a drop down trail back into Rustic Canyon called Bay Tree.  I've always wanted to explore it, and know 2-3 people who have.  I thought, "I know there will be some bushwhacking, I know there's not much daylight left, but what the hell, it's only a couple of miles!"  I had a secondary intuitive sense that said, "this is gonna be an adventure" and I thought, "hell yeah, I'm ready for an adventure!"

My skin is gashed and bruised all over, this is one small sample.

This was the part where I greatly erred.  I ignored my intuition which said, "this is shaping up to be a bad idea.  Ooh, sounds like a fun bad idea!"

RULES I ALREADY KNEW (AND PREACH)

*Whenever possible, don't run trails alone

*When running alone, let someone know your planned route

*Have a planned route

*Carry a cell phone, in case you get stuck and need to alert someone

*Carry a light if there's any possibility of getting lost or running after dark

*Carry more than adequate fluid & calories in case you get lost

*If you get to an impassable patch of trail/creek bed, turn around and retrace your steps, don't be a hero

*Let someone know your planned route (restated for it's importance)

*Help others learn from your most boneheaded mistakes (check)

A NEW RULE

*Just like drinking: when you are upset, don't go seeking "adventure" on the trails, just go run a super intense speed workout on a track or treadmill or something like that

GENERAL LIFE SIDE NOTE

Consider for a moment the last thing you said to your loved ones.  Would you be okay with that message if it was the last you ever delivered to them?  One of the things that haunted me, maybe what I was afraid of the most out there, was if the last things Kate & I said to each other (prior to my misadventure) were etched into eternity as the final exchange we had.  I got home and we immediately put it all behind us.  You have an opportunity to say things to the people you love, from love, each and every time you're with them.  I encourage you to utilize every opportunity to do that.  For your own sake.

Thanks for reading this.  I appreciate you (even if we don't know each other), no matter where you stand.  One more parting thought:

"If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning."

What You Do Isn't Enough, Challenge What You Think & Say - the Word Creates World Paradigm

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right."
-Henry Ford

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... I just did.

I'm here to take a look at the relationship between what we think, what actually comes out of our mouth, and what we follow through and do.  I'm going to start with an assertion: if you are reading this blog (and I assure you at this point, YOU ARE reading this blog), then you are a dreamer, and I further assert a dream-seeker.  Otherwise my incessant "live your dreams" bantering would be annoying.

This blog entry in particular, is intended to have you put your thoughts and words under a microscope for a moment, to devote thoughtful consideration to that what you think (even those thoughts you keep to yourself) and consider how deep that influence is on the world you manifest and create.

A brilliant 'Thought Diagram' borrowed from www.CartoonChurch.com

You either speak (and think, and act) from a space of LOVE or from a space of FEAR and your word creates your world.  Especially your thoughts (your words to yourself).  I haven't read the book "The Secret" but from what I understand from the people who've demanded I read it to embrace more magic in my life, this isn't anything in the realm of the law of attraction, nor manifesting things.  This is common sense stuff, in terms of how we perceive the world around us.

I have a rule for myself, and this is where it begins:

THE RULE OF ASSUMPTION
95% of the time in life, I am not going to know the answer, the truth, nor the reality of something.  As a human being my mind absolutely must fill in the blank with the answer my mind deems most likely to be correct.  If I'm going to make something up, it might as well be something that empowers me and propels me forward.  I'm just as likely to make up something positive OR negative that will be incorrect, but until I know the truth of the matter, I shall consciously and intentionally make up something empowering.


I'll give you a real world scenario to illustrate this long winded rule.  One of your friends, maybe a coworker, suddenly stops talking to you.  They no longer respond to texts, when you see them are suddenly quiet and reserved.  Why is it in these situations we commonly assume the worst?  That inner gremlin (my inner voice, I call it a gremlin because it rarely has really positive insight) says something to me like, "they're MAD at you about something" and I start to wrack my brain for what I could have possibly done or said that has offended them.  Now, I can be a particularly offensive person from time to time, I'm brash, over-the-top, I talk too much and listen too little, and I can be quite crass.  I'm never surprised when someone is upset or offended.  My stomach still bottoms out when someone is upset with me, especially a close friend or family member, but that bottoming out hasn't really changed my patterns of speech and behavior.  For better or worse, I'm ME in just about every situation.  I would have made a great court jester, until of course I offended the queen and was beheaded (I didn't research this piece, so not sure if that's even historically accurate).  When I IMAGINE that someone is upset with me, I naturally start to interact with them less.  Not seeing them, I start to miss my friend so I finally reach out (via email, of course) with a "hey, is everything okay? I noticed you're not yourself and I assumed I did something wrong and wanted to check in" type message.  A very high percentage of the time, I get a message back explaining some family trauma, somebody is sick, a relationship just ended, and it had nothing to do with me.  Suddenly, I realize that the few days I avoided this friend, I was being a horrible friend as they could have used some love and support.

Baseline message, fear sourced those thoughts and actions.  It influenced my perception, then my behavior.  Imagine the same scenario where you brought love to the assumptions and how it might influence those actions.  Can you see you'd think, speak, and act differently?  I know I have (when implementing my rule about assumptions).

Gratuitous Chan Chan pic of Sim and Cameron for no reason

Cliche as it may be, if your self talk (thoughts) indulges fear, fear grows and takes over.  If you seek to love and respect yourself, if you practice consciously creating things out of love, which starts with loving yourself (your strengths, your weaknesses, your perfect imperfections) this will translate into a foundation for loving others around you, consistently.

Next time someone is downright nasty to you (stranger or friend) for no good reason, before you knee jerk into their black hole of negative energy, ask yourself what they might be saying to themselves that is causing their sour behavior and perspective.  Sometimes the best way to help someone out of that space is to not join them in it.  Yes, that's much easier said than practiced.  But it is indeed possible.


"In order to carry a positive action we must develop [first] a positive vision."
-Dalai Lama

My relationship began and thrives with a positive vision (yet sometimes the gremlin rears it's ugly head)

Pandora's Race - the Danger of Signing Up for a 100-Mile Trail Run - SYNCRO-BLOG

*I invite your unique take/perspective on this post/topic in the comments! Have something to share, comment on or respond to?  I'd love to hear what you think at the end of this post!


PANDORA'S RACE - 100 Miles Closer to My True Self
On a solo run a couple times over the last two weeks, I thought to myself how early December every year since 2005, I've thought about what 100-miler(s) awaited me the following year.  It all started with Western States, as did many an ultra-runner's story. I had heard that people ran 100-miles, straight through, over mountain ranges.  I initially dismissed it as an insane misunderstanding. Then I saw an article in a running magazine (I believe it was Marathon & Beyond) likening the 100-mile run to a 100-year life-cycle, quite metaphorically.  While I was intrigued, I still wondered WHY anyone would knowingly put themselves through such an intentional physical suffering.  It didn't take long until my one major running goal (to qualify for and run the Boston Marathon) was no longer my goal, and it was time to set my sights on something new, and raise the bar on the challenge.

The olden days when Western States "auto entries" due to 2-time loser status still existed...

Pandora's Race, is what I now call it.  The race I can never again close the box on.  There are things I know now that I may have never discovered in quite the way the mountain 100-miler taught them to me.  I'm here to talk to you, both the newbie (who's never before run 100-miles straight) and the veteran (who's run 1, 10 or dozens of these things) about the inherent "danger" of signing up for the hundo...

I'm not even quite sure what position I'm taking in this opinion piece: don't sign up for 100-mile runs OR every runner should experience this?  I have solid reasons to tell you not to jump off this cliff.  I have many reasons why I am glad I did it.  So I guess I will give you the Yin&Yang and at least feel better that I did all I could to ed-u-ma-kate you prior to leading you to certain doom.

"Finished" at the Angeles Crest 100 2012, both literally and figuratively

DON'T EFFEN DO IT
As with anything deemed cool in the court of public opinion, this type of event has a considerable amount of hype.  No matter how hyped you are, running 5-miles is a long way, running 5-miles 20-times in a row is extreme and excessive.  Isn't running 5-miles 5-times per week for 4-weeks enough?  Most doctors will tell you that many health benefits can be achieved with 25-35 miles per week of running (said in another way: 45-min to an hour of exercise a day with a couple of days off).  Many runners training for any 50-miler to 100-miler soon learn the pain of overuse and muscular imbalances.  It's almost a 50-50 coin-flip that you'll have some major aches & pains in training up to a hundo.  Sure, we all read the blogs of those elite runners and some coaches who seem to never be injured, but as someone who has seen nearly 1,000 first time marathoners cross the line (and has worked on coaching committees and organizing groups for both USATF & Team In Training, injury numbers for most marathon programs is around 1/3rd).  So, if we're doing this to improve our health & fitness, then why do it to such extreme excess?  I spent 2006-2011 trying to talk anyone and everyone who came to me to say, "I want to run 100 miles" out of that silly idea. Call me a hypocrite. I knew I was addicted (and still very much am). Endorphin's and morphine effect the same opiod receptors in the brain.  Try asking a morphine addict how easy that addiction was to kick sometime.  Some other aspects of 100's you better warm up to: boredom, pain unlike any you've experienced, sacrifice including lack of adequate sleep.  Some in your life may turn dismissive, calling you crazy, stupid and the worst-of-all barbs: "supremely selfish". Sounds lovely, right?  It's harder than they say, and all I ever heard was "it was the hardest thing I've ever done."  That last statement undersells it.

THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE

Kate Martini Freeman and her merry maids

So, that last statement isn't entirely true.  I have done many things better than running 100-miles in a single shot.  I married my Kate.  I adopted Spirit.  I still value and cherish running alongside my baby sis in her first marathon, my big sis in her favorite half marathon and my bro-in-law Stan in his first ultra and first two hundos MORE than my own personal finishes.  I get a lot more out of helping others achieve than doing it myself.  That said, attempting to run (note: I said attempting to run, NOT "finishing") 100 miles is one of the best things I've ever done.  There are a few things it has deepened and developed in me, things I still certainly lack but qualities I wish to perpetually improve.  I have infinitely more patience (with people, with life situations and myself), I am able to put things in perspective in new ways attempting to maintain some sort of Zen in highly stressful situations, and interestingly enough I am able to take heavy-handed criticism from people close to me without spiraling into self-loathing (a problem from my past).  That's come from the crucible of pain of both training and race day.  I wonder whether I have become a better 100-mile runner as I have applied the principles of my life to racing these distances OR if I've become better at my life by applying the principles of 100-mile racing to my day to day living.  A few things I've picked up...

1. RFM - Relentless Forward Motion means never stop moving forward, until and unless you discover you've made a wrong turn.
2. WCIDRN - What Can I Do Right NOW in order to improve my situation? We often take too big a view on things like "I still have 71-miles to go" when really all we need to do is focus on the present moment to improve the big picture.
3. It ain't about the FINISH line.  Why are we always in a rush to be done?  We're not trying to be dead immediately, right?  So enjoy the journey, each step along the way, the unique views and perspective of the mountain peaks AND valley floors.  And if you enjoy the whole process and the journey itself, the finish line is even sweeter when it comes.

If you find yourself attracted to running (your first) 100 mile trail run, go back and reread my "DON'T EFFEN DO IT" paragraph again, because I've changed my mind.  In the meantime, I've gone and signed up for THREE 100's next year.  I hope to see you on the starting line next to me...

Running myself down, into another valley...

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt


AMAZING SYNCRO-BLOGGERS ON THIS TOPIC
Katie DeSplinter - http://bit.ly/Xz3cDe
Jen Benna - http://bit.ly/TJMleG
Dominic Grossman - http://bit.ly/TOYFXJ
Amy Sprotson - http://bit.ly/RHsihE

Huge thanks to Katie, Jen, Dom and Amy for throwing their awesome ideas, opinions and perspective into the mix!