New Year Does Not Equal New You - We Require a New Outlook

"Ambition is enthusiasm with a purpose."
-Frank Tyger

Speaker Kevin Bracy does what he does best

#NewYearNewViewNewYOU
One of my mentors, heroes and all around favorite dudes inspired the title of this blog post.  Speaker Kevin Bracy posted an amazing little series of videos about how most people relate to the calendar turn of year as new hope, new promise and a new me/you!  He cautions us, that the reason most people fail in their resolve to do something is they fail to adopt a new outlook.  I realized that the reason I have been really successful the past half decade in what I call my "New Year's Promises" is a game of 3 questions that helps shift my outlook.  I missed this conversational empowerment exercise this year for the first time in as long as I can remember.  I didn't go for a NYE night hike, and I didn't join the crack-of-dawn Rose Parade run. And I didn't facilitate the post hike/run 3 questions game for so many of my closest friends, family and fellow runners.  This lead to NYE/NYD being the worst in recent memory.  But it's January 4th now, so let's forget January 1st, 2014 and look forward...

I am going to roll my 3 questions game out to anyone who reads this.  My invitation to you is this:

IF you read this, I invite you to take one step further and comment (or share/repost on your social media of preference: blog, Facebook status, etc.) all 3 complete questions with your specific personal/professional answers.

I have been practicing this exercise since at least 2009 and it's been super effective for ALL I have heard.  Ask David Villalobos how effective it was for him in the 2012-2013 transition (that's just the one I remember most from last year).

Here's the dealio - to complete the conversation (in your mind) about 2013, answer 2 questions:
1. What is one thing (only one) that you accomplished in 2013 that you're most proud of?
2. What is one thing (only one) that you failed at in 2013, most powerfully, what was your biggest failure?

And then the tricky question that opens 2014 with hope & promise:
3. What is one thing that you'd like to accomplish in 2014, that if you achieved this single thing, no matter what else happens this year, it would be impossible to declare the year a failure?  More often than not, this question stands independent of #2, but sometimes people link them as a reaffirmation of something they really want to get done.

SYMBOLISM: Chinese bamboo needs 5 yrs of constant attention to grow

MY ANSWERS:
1. I am proud of who I was in the space of traumatic situations in 2013.  Some of the trauma was self-induced (running 2x100-milers with 13 days recovery), but a lot of it was really unexpected (Kate miscarried a child in January, experienced a major family upheaval in July, and then Kate broke her leg in November), and in each case, I had my own fear and internal freak outs to deal with, and yet I was able to be the person I wanted to be (for myself, and for my wife) in those moments.

2. I failed in 2013 to be the writer/author I committed to being.  I set out in January with the goal of blogging 2 times per month (24 posts) and ended the year 8 short of that number.  I failed to blog at all in April, July, August and November.  In my book, I set out to write a chapter a week back in October.  I'm less than halfway to my goal of 11 chapters in the book (over that time frame).  Both of those are dramatic failures (based on what I'm up to right now).

3. In 2014, if I only accomplish one thing (that is in my power, as one of my goals is largely up to the universe to decide), the thing that would have me look back on the year as a success (no matter what else happens) is publishing my first book.  It's highly unlikely we're going to hit my February deadline, so my commitment is to an April/May timeline for release.  Back on the chapter per week game (and I still aim to blog every other week too).


Now, what is your 3?  I emphatically invite you to not skip this step and be bold in your 3 answers!  You want me (and other readers of this post) thinking about your #3 (and you need #1 and #2 to set the table), because no matter what it is, I believe in you.

"You get whatever accomplishment you are willing to declare."
-Georgia O'Keeffe

Communication With Alien-Robots - Fuel for All Healthy Relationships (Humor & Frankness)

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."

-Steve Jobs

Here's a little ditty I wrote up a while back about the importance of communication (including humor and frankness) in every relationship (not just romantic relationships, but your important  friendships, workout partners and professional relationships too).

For the many of you who have suggested to Kate & I that you personally believe we have "a perfect relationship" consider this your wake-up call. Kate & I (in our 11+ years together) have had fights about everything: from simple driving directions to who's doing the dishes and even occasionally a dozy over mayonnaise (well, Vegenaise actually... Valentine's Day 2002, seriously). What we always come back to is full communication and personal responsibility. While I won't be wowing any of you with some amazing demonstration of my own personal responsibility in this post (Kate is the one being incredibly generous in the interaction below, I'm just the @$$hole trying to be RIGHT), I thought you might get some joy, amusement & laughter out of our "dishes fight" from over 3-years ago, and how we had our moment of anger & frustration, but we brought back the authentic communication and playful levity to the situation. The net result is that I ended up doing the dishes as a performance art. Kate even videotaped me doing the dishes so she could watch it over and over again (and her "you NEVER do the dishes" argument is out the window).

As always, I have expressed, written consent from Kate that this email chain be published, so please forgive the colorful language and know we're BOTH behind you reading this. For our own amusement & sanity.

BEFORE you read this, understand that we had some other similar nothing fight a couple of weeks prior, and Kate wrote me the opening email apologizing for being mean and nasty. So the email chain starts there (with me being an a-hole trying to be righteous, yuck)...

Sometimes, the aftermath of a fight is downright delicious.

********BEGIN EMAIL CHAIN********

From: Kate

Sent: July 28

To: Jimmy

Subject: I'm a jerk

Jimmy,

By acting and thinking from fear, worry, blame, upset and focusing on what's missing/wrong. That is exactly what I create. I do this to put the responsibility on you, to sabotage our connection and to prove that I am 'alone'. It's hogwash. Bullshit. Lame.

Since last night when I treated you poorly, I could not sleep, I had bad dreams, I missed my run, my ear is worse, I had no time for coffee. Basically everything falls apart when I don't take care of you and our relationship.

You have my word that I will treat you with respect, love, care, nurture and come from a creative and inspiring space.

I'm sorry for being an ass.

I hope you have a great day, please know that I love you, I'm here for you.

K8

**************************

From: Jimmy

Sent: August 13

To: Kate

Subject: FW: I'm a jerk

Kate,

Please read this. It's from July 28th. Psssst, that's two weeks ago.

Jimmy

*************************

From: Kate

Sent: August 13

To: Jimmy

Seriously, what the hell is my fucking problem?

K8

**************************

From: Jimmy

Sent: August 13

To: Kate

You aren't willing to sit in the impact (of your words and actions). You aren't willing to be uncomfortable and communicate everything and be truly vulnerable. You might actually get betrayed and hurt and abused and used that way! 

I'm a bad, mean, angry SCARY PERSON!!!! Maybe I'm the BOOGEY MAN!!!! BOOOOO!!!!

Jimmy

*************************

From: Kate

Sent: August 13

To: Jimmy

I fucking love you.

K8

***************************

From: Jimmy

Sent: August 13

To: Kate

"Seriously, what the hell is my fucking problem?"

I have another idea. Maybe your fucking problem is you are truly UNWILLING to be human? Maybe you really ARE an alien robot?

It's okay, Kate. You can BE HONEST. If you really ARE an alien robot, I'm willing to accept that now. I'll even go back with you to your planet for experimentation. I give up. I really DO love you no matter what. I'm hopeless.

Jimmy

******************************

From: Kate

Sent: August 13

To: Jimmy

I kind of feel bad for you, loving a robot is tough. I guess that explains why you like to run ultras. You thrive on pain, endurance, torture and insanity.

I'll book the flights for us to Zyborg tomorrow. One way is okay right?

K8

********************************

From: Jimmy

Sent: August 13

To: Kate

I surrender, Zyborgian robot alien. You are picking an odd specimen, but whatever, better me than someone else I guess... high pain tolerance.

One way is fine. But clearly your planet has a far more advanced internet. Can I still communicate with my family and maintain a BLOG from afar? Or do you replace me with a Jimmy-robot so people won't know I'm gone?

Did you see my post on my plans for this evening? And your plans for the moment you get home?

Jimmy

*************************************

From: Kate

Sent: August 13

To: Jimmy

You are the perfect specimen. You may maintain your blog and relationships, but there will be a Jimmybot put in place physically.

I did happen to just read your post.

I'm really sorry for losing my cool man. I look forward to seeing you tonight.

K8

**************************************

From: Jimmy

Sent: August 13

To: Kate

Can I post this ENTIRE email as a BLOG?

Jimmy

**************************************

From: Kate

Sent: August 13

To: Jimmy

Sure, why the hell not. We won't be on this planet for much longer anyway.

Speciman.

K8

********END OF EMAIL CHAIN********

The MORAL of the story: Even if you are an alien robot, or are about to be kidnapped by an alien robot, COMPLETE COMMUNICATION and willingness to make fun of ourselves is the key to a healthy relationship.

AND yes, I'll FINALLY admit it:

"I should have just done the damn dishes."*

*it would have taken a hell of a lot less energy and time than this email chain, blog post, and fighting against alien robots who will win in the end anyway.

I love my wife. Even if she is an alien robot...

*****************************************************

POST UPDATE (1-day later)

*****************************************************

Sexy albino me. You can't UN-SEE this.

For those of you who missed the punch-line on this 3-years ago, I ended up doing the dishes as "performance art". My friend Seth told me that there was some survey that reported 3-out-of-4 women were asked if they'd rather watch their man do dishes or dance naked, and 75% of them answered dishes. We have the birth of 'chore-play'.

I did the dishes while Kate watched me, and I only wore some 70's style NIKE dolphin shorts (see: photo to the right, and you're welcome). I also had to sing to her ("Bare Necessities" from the Jungle Book). She filmed part(s) of it. Then we made up, officially... but, alas, I now communicate with you from ZYBORG. I'm not sure if it's really nice here or if I'm in one of those virtual reality machine-thingies...

*****************************************************

POST UPDATE (3.5-years later)

*****************************************************

Zyborg is amazing.  I hope the Jimmybot they left behind is holding things together well.  I miss seeing ALL of you...

View from a mountain peak outside of Agnapot, on the planet Zyborg...

PS - a simple tip my amazing sister Sarah gave me for relationship harmony:

IF your partner makes a request and it takes less than 10-15 minutes to fulfill, you should always say yes. Just give up the thoughts you have about who did that chore last time, how tired you are, or how mad you might be over something else. This simple act of generosity will take far less time and energy than saying NO or resisting doing something that could alter the day/evening, where yes could make all the difference.

PPS - if YOU (reader) are a single dude and you made it ALL THE WAY through this long-winded post, check out a well written piece by David DeAngelo about the Top 10: Ways To Be The Man Women Want (seriously, it's a great piece) from AskMen.com

The Yin-n-Yang of Distance Running & Life: Patience VS Passion

Patience is a virtue,
One must develop in part,
Passion is like fire,
Ignited in the heart,
Possession of one, not the other,
Is dangerous indeed,
As both of these qualities,
For high level success you'll need.

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


passion - noun
1. ardent love or affection
3. a strong affection or enthusiasm for an object, concept, etc
4. any strongly felt emotion, such as love, hate, envy, etc
6. the object of an intense desire, ardent affection, or enthusiasm

patience - noun
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence

If you lack passion, you'll never have the energy nor enthusiasm to accomplish anything great.  In the sport of distance running, if you lack patience, you will consistently flirt with injury & burnout and/or throw race performances away going too hard too early in long races.  So one must examine both elements of this important YIN/YANG to become the best athlete (and human) one can be.

If you are reading this, I'm going to make a simple assertion:

You are committed to being the best* you can be.
*otherwise, this topic/subject would be of no real interest to you

Here's the good news, both of these qualities can be developed, both of them shall ebb and flow over your running career and life.  By being committed to balance between them, you will find a place where you can maximize your results by being focused on quality over quantity, by establishing an economy to your training & racing, with very little excess energy wasted or thrown away.  For the record, I have not mastered either of these things.  I'm overly passionate at times, and maybe too patient, after all, it's a balance between the two that I constantly seek.

Which area do you need to develop to take your running to the next level?  If you lack passion & enthusiasm, the way to develop it is to surround yourself with people passionate about the topic you want to become more passionate about.  Watch inspiring movies on the subject, read good books, immerse yourself in your chosen subject matter.  Running was once a hobby for me, it's now a lifestyle.  If you lack patience, sometimes the balance comes from developing OTHER passions so you aren't putting your eggs all in one basket.  Setting priorities in your goals and having a short term, medium term and long term structure to what you're trying to accomplish can also help a lot.  Also, the realization that patience can be oxymoronic in nature helps. Often times by being patient, what you seek/desire comes to you more quickly.

Certain situations in life will develop patience.  I have had a goal to acquire/earn a Sub-24-Hour Silver Buckle at the Western States 100-Miler, for example, and have only been able to run that race 1 time in the 7-years I've been going after it.  Missed my goal in 2009 by 28 minutes (running 24:28 on a day that topped out around 108-degrees).  I consider missing goals like this a blessing, because it keeps me hungry. Gives me something to work towards, to strive for, to keep the pedal down.  Just another log of inspiration for my fire.  When I didn't get into Western States on my 1st try, I signed up for the Angeles Crest 100-Miler.  No, it didn't matter that Western States often sees nearly 100 people earn a sub-24 buckle (generally 25% of the field, last year a whopping 33% earned one), and Angeles Crest is typically below 10% (you literally have to ADD every silver buckle earned at AC all the way back to 1999, 11 races, to equal the number of silvers earned at WS in 2011).  Does that mean I'd relax my goal?  Nope, a silver buckle at AC became goal #2.  It took 3 attempts (a 26:27 finish, a Mile 49-DNF, and finally squeaking under the wire in 23:51 w/barely 8-min to spare last year).  When one achieves the lofty goal, then it is time to raise the bar.  Don't even THINK of asking me what I'm shooting for at AC this year.  It's classified.

What I'd love to leave you with is this: you are part flesh and part machinery and all heart + soul.  One needs both passion coupled with patience to maximize your potential in order to achieve all you are capable of accomplishing.  What area do you need to work on?  The work will reap many benefits.  Get after it, yo.

"Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in."

Photo by Tyler Olson